An Addamsish Potter
by tarnished silver things
Summary: There are more people to Lily's family than her father's side. Harry grows up with the Addams as Wednesday's twin, but what will certain old men with twinkling blue eyes do when they need a saviour that isn't where he ought to be? Rated T for safety.
1. Chapter 1

Miss Leanna O' Brian was a young woman, having only moved out of the orphanage she grew up in some years previous, but she was good friends with Mrs. Dursley, from Number Four across the street. So, good friend that she was, when she saw a tiny bundle of baby in a black blanket on Petunia's front porch, she abandoned her milk bottles and marched right over, picked up the baby, and knocked on the front door.

Petunia opened the door, and Leanna could hear Dudley screaming in the background. She had told her friend so many times to ignore the crying, but she never did. She put aside her thoughts, however, when Petunia asked somewhat sleepily, "Yes Leanna?" in a tone that said quite clearly that if it was not terribly important, that Leanna could go away.

Leanna rolled her eyes. "Hullo, Pet. I found a baby on your front porch, but if you're still tired, I can go jump off a cliff."

That snapped Petunia out of her sl;eepy stupor. "What?" she asked in a dark tone.

Leanna raised an eyebrow. This was the tone she kept on telling the silly woman to take with Vernon when he was being an arse, but no, Pet wouldn't listen then... "I. Found. A. Baby. On. Your. Front Step. Peh. Tune. Ee. Yah," she said as if talking to a very small child.

Petunia's eyes widened. "It's not- It can't be- Is it-"

"Lily's kid?" Leanna was right in between Petunia and Lily's ages, and had gone to Primary school with them after coming to the orphanage when she was seven.

Petunia nodded. "I dunno, knocked on your door soon as I saw the kid. Should we read the letter together, or you want me to leave?"

Petunia started to nod, but stopped herself mid-way. "No. No, I think you should read it with me, Anna."

The blonde led the dark-haired brunnette into the kitchen, and after setting the bundle onto the table, opened the letter, with Leanna reading over her shoulder.

'Petunia-

I beg of you, take in this child. This is Harry James Potter, Lily's son. Her home was attacked last night, and she and her husband died. As Lily died protecting her son, he is protected by very old magic, which will keep him safe so long as he is with his mother's blood. I ask that you treat him as your own son, in Lily's memory. I know that you and your family are opposed to magic, and should you take the boy in, I will assure you that no child of yours will ever be a witch or wizard, if that is your wish.

My Deepest Regrets,

Albus Dumbledore.'

Petunia was shaking by the end of the short letter, and Leanna wasn't sure if it was fron sadness or anger. She touched her friends' shoulder gently. "Pet. Pet, it's alright. It'll be okay. Do you-"

"I don't want to talk about it, Leanna." Petunia's voice sounded rough, hollow.

"That's fine, then. Are you going to keep the child?"-

Petunia sighed, and her shoulders sagged. "I suppose I'll- Wait one moment, Leanna Augusta O' Brian. You're taking that magic bit in the letter quite well. You already knew about magic, didn't you?"

Leanna froze. She knew how much her friend hated her old world. "Well... I did. I do. I was born into it, but I'm not magic, so I was dumped at St. Catherine's. Please don't be angry."

Petunia huffed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Fine. Fine. _Fine._ I'll get angry later. Do you know anything about this, then?"

Leanna grimaced, trying to smile. She pulled a day-old newspaper from her handbag. "I... They're calling him the Boy-Who-Lived. It's terrible. Disgusting, really."

Petunia scanned over the article, dutifully ignoring the moving pictures of the destroyed house at Godric's Hollow. She sat back. They heard Vernon turn on the shower. "I can't keep him Leanna. But I can't let him stay here. Where will we keep him - the cupboard? I don't want to keep him, Vernon won't want to keep him, and Dudley is already throwing eggs at the child. That... that world looks at him like the second coming of Christ. If he grows up here, he'll either hate magic... or he'll hate us. I may not have liked my sister, but I'm not prepared to have her son hate me, or her. But I have to keep him." Her tone made it abundantly clear how much she did not like it.

"Well... I admit, I know very little about Lily's lot, but when I was little, before my family found out that I wasn't a you know what, I spent a lot of time in my family's library. I loved reading about ancient magic... He doesn't have to stay with you, Pet. Just your family, anyone related for the past... nine or so generations, I'd say. Didn't you have a family tree made up some time back? It went back to the sixteen hundreds, didn't it?"

Petunia nodded. "I had one for both sides of my family and did the same for Vernon's. All four of them go back to the fifteen hundreds."

Leanna nodded. "So we look at them, tell Vernon that you just have to keep the kid until you contact some cousin or other, and then we find one to take him. Well?"

Petunia smiled a little. "Fine. Help me with Dudley, will you?"


	2. Chapter 2

After Vernon left, grumbling, it was quite easy to find the family tree - it was hanging on the wall in the parlour - and to find Petunia's closest living relatives, one Fester Addams, and one Gomez Addams. Petunia said, a little stiffly, ( Leanna assumed that she must be a little sore about the morning's events. She couldn't say that she was surprised. ) that she thought it might be better to contact Gomez, seeing as he already had two children close to Harcourt's age. When Leanna asked why her friend was calling the boy Harcout, she just pointed at a small ornate box on the table by the door. Inside were various letters from family, mainly Lily, until about six months previous. One was a birth announcement for one Harcourt Jameson Potter-Evans.

Leanna didn't say anything, but instead set to work finding out how to contact one Mr. Gomez Repelli Addams.

**0001 Cemetery Lane, Somewhere in the United States of America**

"Mother! The phone is ringing!" Pugsley called through the house.

Morticia smiled at the sound of the four-years-old's voice. "Thank you, darling," she said as he came running into the main room. Now where did she put that phone. "Oh! Thank you, Thing," she said to the disembodied hand, when he tugged on her sleeve and held it out.

"Hello? This is Morticia Addams. Petunia Dursley? Yes, I'm Gomez's wife. Oh, how delightfully tragic! Harry's an orphan, you say? Isn't that lovely. I'll have to ask Gomez, of course, but I doubt he'll mind. Let me get him,_ un instant._"

"Tish! You spoke French!" She sensed rather than saw her dear husband bound through the house and begin kissing her arm.

"Not now, Gomez. We need to talk."

"What about, my dear?"

"It seems that your cousin Lily and her husband have died, and their son is now an orphan."

"Glorious! I suppose the boy will need a place to stay?"

"That's what her sister Petunia is calling about, darling. Little Harry was left on her doorstep this morning, and Petunia can't keep him. She wants to know if we would take him in."

"Why of course! He is an Addams after all! Let me speak to her, dear?"

"Of course Gomez. One moment." Morticia spoke to Petunia over the phone. "He said yes. He would like to speak to you."

She handed her husband the phone, and went to go tell her mother-in-law and children the good news.

**4 Privet Drive, Surrey, U.K. 2nd November**

Petunia nervously straightened her blouse while she waited for Gomez to arrive. Harry was dressed, with a few toys and things to keep him occupied, as well as the blanket from when he arrived. It was ten-thirty now, he should be here...

_Ding dong._

Alright, so he wasn't late. Good, good, She smoothed her skirt and answered the door. She bit back a scream. Gomez's family looked... different. She tried to smile. She was sure it was a grimace. She didn't want the boy, but she hoped no harm came to him with the Addams... "Gomez?" she asked uncertainly. The man in front of her grinned widely. He had six canine teeth.

"Petunia!" He said happily, as if nothing pleased hiim more than to see her. "This is my lovely wife, Morticia, and our son Pugsley. Wednesday didn't want to come. She isn't fond of planes for some reason..."

Morticia smiled. "That might have something to do with Pugsley pushing her off of the roof last winter, darling. They were playing planes, weren't they?"

Petunia thought then and there that yes, Lily's lot were all a bunch of nutters.

"Erm, would you like to come in and, ah, meet Harry before you leave? His birth certificate and other papers are all in the baby bag, along with some snacks and things."

Gomez grinned again. "Capital idea, Petunia! Simply capital!"

Grimacing again, Petunia led the odd couple to the parlour, where Harry was attacking a newspaper with obvious glee.

"Oh, how precious," Morticia sighed. "He looks just like Wednesday when we got Kitty Cat."

"Kitty Cat?" Petunia asked. They had a pet?

"Our lion. He's very well trained," Morticia said, as though pet lions were perfectly normal pets to have. Petunia tried to think of a polite way to get these people out of her house, boy or no boy.

As if the toddler had read her mind, Pugsley asked his parents, "Mother, Father, can we go soon? I want to ride the plane again."

Morticia smiled at him, "If Petunia doesn't mind us leaving so soon. Do you?" She directed the question toward the blonde.

"Of-of course not. Have a good, er, flight." Petunia handed the boy to her, while Gomez grabbed the baby bag. "Good-bye."

"Good-bye, Petunia."

"Toodeloo!" Pugsley grinned.

"Au Revoir."

"Tish! You spoke French!" Gomez cried, as the family walked out the door.

"Not now, Gomez. Later," Petunia heard as the door closed behind them.


	3. Chapter 3

"Harry!" Wednesday screeched. Not for the first time, Harry wondered if his sister was a banshee in disguise. She looked around her, her braids swinging back and forth while she looked for him. Harry held back a snicker.

He apparently didn't hold it very well, because Wednesday looked up, a dark, Hades-like gleam in her eyes, and jumped up, grabbed the lowest branch of the tree, and started swinging herself up towards Harry.

What was so wrong about turning her hair pink?

"It was Pugsley! Not me! It was with Uncle Fester!" he yelled, scrambling higher.

"You! Are! A _terrible_ liar!"

Harry was at the top of the tree, and trapped. Wednesdsday was across from him on the tree, which he should have remembered that it was her favourite, as it had the top lopped off years ago, and was quite very flat. He looked down. Dang it. Wednesday was crawling closer now, grinning madly. Harry gulped. Then he did something very, very stupid.

He dropped.

Wednesday screamed. Harry kept dropping, before he landed on the leaf-strewn ground, a little dazed, but none the worse for where. He looked up, and could barely make out Wednesday's pink head moving down the tree. So, he did what any (well, not usually, but sometimes) sensible six-years-old would do when confronted with a headstart on a sister intent on murdering them.

He ran like the Furies were at his heels, inches from tearing his tender flesh. Then again, he thought, that might not be so bad as what Wednesday was most definitely potting and planning and planning and plotting as she raced to check that he wans't dead yet.

After all, it was much harder to exact revenge for pink hair on the all- or mostly-dead.

**10th December, 1987**

Harry, Wednesday, and Pugsley were decorating the Family Christmas Tree when the doorbell screamed.

"You raaang?" They hear Lurch ask.

When they heard a voice that sounded like a business man, they ignored it and went back to decorating. "Wednesday? Where's the Iron Maiden ornament?"

"Under the stuffed pirannah."

"Thank you."

"If you turn my hair pink again, I'll boil you with the hot wassail for the carolers."

"I know that."

"Hello, Mrs. Addams! Are these your, um, children?"

"Yes, they are. It seems our house has been overcome with a dreadful amount of holiday cheer, so we brought out the tree, and the children found some ornaments in the playroom."

"Ummm... Yes, well, you see, Mrs. Addams, I'm here on behalf of the local school district, and-"

"School district? Why_ever_ would they send you here? My children do not attend public school."

"That's exactly my point, Ma'am, your children are six and eight years old, and they've never set foot inside a classroom!"

"Well, Gomez is the one you would need to talk to about these matters. I believe he's in the upstairs playroom playing darts with Fester. Oh, Lurch will take you, won't you Lurch?"

L;urch groaned and led the man away. Morticia hobbled over to the children. "Oh how remarkeabley ghastly, my darlings! Are you going to add a nightshade string?"

Pugsley grinned like a murderous loon. With a butchers' knife. "Yes, Mother, and some little skeletons, too."

"Oh, how sweet. I'll leave you to it, then. Now where is my food for Cleopatra..." She muttered that last bit to herself, but Harry answered her anyway.

"It's next to the roast beast, Mama."

As Morticia left the room, the man from the school board ran out screaming about his head being cut off. He was very strange, in the children's opinions.


	4. Chapter 4

"Class, we have two new students today, will you two please introduce yourselves and tell us something that you like?"

Harry instantly took a disliking to the brightly coloured Miss Dullasapost. (Not Dull-as-a-post, dullas-ap-ost.) She wore deplorably bright colours, and spoke like they were all to idiotic to understand her.

Wednesday stepped up first, knowing that her brother was likely to scare the other students witless if he opened his maw now. "My name is Wednesday Addams, and I like spiders."

There was a tiny bit of applause from the class, but most off them just stared at the dark-haired girl in disbelief. Harry rolled his eyes and stepped up next to his sister. "I'm Harcourt Addams, and I like plants." He thought of his pet Venus Mantrap, Delphi, back at the Mansion. He wished he could take her to school.

The class clapped a bit more enthusiastically for Harry, and the two took their seats at the back of the class. They were learning to subtract today, oh joy. Harry smirked a little when Wednesday pouted, though. She liked math, and the three Addams children all already knew how to multiply and divide, thanks to Grandmama's love of teaching. She had begun teaching each of them the moment they began talking. He wondered absently if if would take too long to get bumped up a few grades...

"Ow!" He hissed, literally hissed. Parseltongue was a very soft language, good for when one didn't want to be heard.

Wednesday tapped the crook of his wrist under the table. It was part of the secret language they had developed after they started playing Indians with Pugsley when the trio were three and five, respectively. _Look around you._

Outside the window was a stoic albino raven, with a scroll the colour of dead flowers attatched to his leg. Aunt Ophelia? The bell rang, signalling that it was time for recess, thankfully. Harry and Wednesday raced out of the classroom and out the door to the raven, wondering what had happened.

Wednesday got there first, and Blasphemy liked her, so she didn't get pecked at while she cooed at him and untied the scroll from his leg. She looked it over and, well, not really smiled, not quite, but she looked happier. She kissed the sour bird's beak and said gleefully, "Thank you, Blasphemy." After the bird was out of sight, she answered Harry's unasked question. "Auntie Ophelia sent us toys."

She held out her hand to show two voodoo dolls and a toy bed of nails. Harry grinned. "Neat! Let's find someone to play with them!"

Maybe school wasn't so bad, after all.

**After School**

Harry was wrong, school was Hell. In a bad way. They had spent the afternoon in their class learning _Christmas Carols_, and tommorrow, Miss Dulspost was going to have them make paper reindeer to hang around the classroom.

On the dark side, Wednesday convinced the bus driver to let her drive, and they got there in four seconds flat. Harry didn't know why the other students were retching and moaning. Wednesday was a good driver, she'd been doing it since they were three.


	5. Chapter 5

**First day of the Freshman Year**

Wednesday grinned at Paul Dean, the only other kid in the Freashman class that had skipped a grade or more, as he made to sit at their table. He yelped and scrambled away. "That never gets old," she mused to Harry.

Harry just quirked his lips. "I dunno, it was funnier when Miss Abercrombie did it."

"Miss Who?"

"That teacher lady in the second grade, she ran out of the school screaming about the twin anti-christs in our first class music class."

"Oh, her. She was strange, wasn't she?"

"Very," Harry agreed, "now shush, I want to know what we're doing today."

"Not playing with electricity, I know that much..."

"Just because you got in trouble for electrocuting the principal and he banned you from going near anything that sparks-"

"I thought you wanted shushedness."

Harry stuck his tongue out at her.

Apparently, Miss Zanzabarr had decided to trust their class (finally) with paint. After she heard that she would have two Addmases in her class, she had locked away anything flammable. Including the pencils. And paper. And the television. She even had the cabinets moved to another room. Pugsley must have made a good impression. Today, the teacher said, they could paint anything they liked, and the most original painting at the end of the hour got some prize or other. Probably some deplorably sweet candy. Whoop-dee-doo.

"What do you want to paint, brother?" Wednesday asked him.

Harry thought for a moment. "Uhhmmm... How about we paint that thing I sketched for Mother when we were little? The one from my nightmares?"

"Okay. I'll paint the carnage, would you paint the constellation?"

"Of course. And I'll paint the house, too. You get the motorcycle."

By the end of the hour, the nine-year-old duo had a glorious painting, with bloos, and a cottage blown to smithereens, filled with bright green light, and a motorcycle flying away from it all, while a green constellation hung in the sky. There were two dead bodies hanging out of the wreckage, and the whole thing was lit by an unseen dull orange fire.

It was a very good painting, so why had Miss Zanzabarr screamed and fainted?

Harry shrugged. It wasn't like she knew the story behind it. Harry had known ever since he was six, and it wasn't that bad. It was apparantly a memory of his of the night his birth parents died protecting him from some maniac wizard. Harry didn't mind the knowlege; regretting living was stupid, and would defeat the purpose of their sacrifice. They died in war, and that was that. It might sound coldbooded to some, namely the school (ex-)guidance counciler, but it made sense to Harry. Casualties happened. At least he had had a place to go.


	6. Chapter 6

"Mother! Mother! Me and Wednesday got a letter!" Harry shouted, racing into the conservatory.

Morticia looked away from Cleopatra, and turned to her youngest son. "Oh, really? Where from?"

"Salem Witches Institute!"

"Witches? I wasn't aware you'd changed your gender."

Harry laughed a little. "No, Mama, they went co-ed in the 1970's, according to the letter, but they kept the name anyway. Historical purposes or some such thing."

Morticia nodded. "Well, if you want to go, darling, you have to keep up with your other schooling, and no maiming."

"What if it's unintentional?"

"No maiming."

"If it isn't permanent?"

"Fine."

**At Salem, Massechusats.**

It was the day before school started, and Wednesday and Harry were gleefully going around the historic town with their family, taking pictures at all of the different places, both Wizarding and Muggle. They even put Wednesday on "trial." Once the sightseeing was done, however, it was time to get their school things. Harry looked down at his school list.

GENERAL SCHOOL SUPPLIES

1 Pewter Cauldron, Size 4 1 Wand

1 Pair Dragonhide Glove 1 Set Crystal Phials

1 Set Potions Ingrediants 1 Telescope

1 Brass Scales Notebooks/Parchment for classas

Writing utensils Basic Spells And Explainations, Grade One

History Alive: The Americas The Renian Theory Of Magic

Transfiguration To Start With Herbs, Fungi, and Plants, oh My!

How To Properly Brew A Potion Magical Creatures, Beasts, and Beings

Dark Curses and How to Duck One Set Formalwear

Five School Uniform Sets Rain Hat

Coat Shoes. (THIS MEANS YOU, MR. DE DONAVITCH!)

Any other School Supplies are listed by teachers and sent over Summer Break. If you lost/forgot/did not receive/did something unmentionable to your list (MR. DE DENOVITCH!) students are instructed to ask fotr a copy from the Salem Store For Stories And Tomes. MR. DE DONOVITCH, see Principal Reigns after classes on the first day of classes to resume yout detention.

Wednesday snickered over Harry's shoulder.

He raised an eyebrow amused. "Well it seems one student is on good terms with the principal, _ja?_"

"Mar sin is cosúil," Wednesday snarked in Irish

"Du og irske ..." Harry happily bemoaned in Danish

"Vous et danois ..." Wednesday replied, switching to French.

Pugsley looked back at them. "Die zwei von Ihnen sind verrückt, jetzt beeil dich!" He shouted in German

**(A/N: Use Google Translate if you want to know what they're saying. I know neither Irish nor Danish, and I think my Opa speaks German fluently, but he lives forty minutes away from my house, and it's 5:30 in the morning.)**

The two grinned at him, "Yes Pugsley Dearest!" They said together in sing-song voices.

Well, of course, they all began bickering after that.


	7. Chapter 7

**First Day at Salem - Between classes - Afternoon**

Wednesday was whistling. It was not a funeral dirge. Harry knitted his eyebrows together. It was August 15, the first day of school, and Wednesday was _whistling?_ And it was a thursday, her least favourite day!

"What are you whistling and why?"

Wednesday smirked at her 'twin' brother. "I was wondering when you'd finally ask that. It's some 1960's song that Auntie Ophelia was making Mama listen to a few weeks back. I really like this one line, it makes me think of that princess with all the different heads in the Wizard of Oz. Oh, how to the words go... I really like the one part," she cleared her throat and sang softly, like a dying nightengale,

"You say you'll change the Constitution  
Well ya know  
We all wanna change your head

You tell me it's the institution  
Well ya know  
You better free your mind instead

I like the change your head bit the best. You?"

Harry shook his thankfully attatched and unchanged head. "Well, the tune isn't _too_ dreadfully cheery, and definitely not _nearly_ as bad as the music that we kept hearing at public school. Actually, I think it sounds a little bit like something Cousin Melancholia would like."

Wednesday grinned. "Exactly. I think it's by the... worms? Bugs? No, the Beatles. They have some other songs, too."

"Most bands do."

"You aren't the Cat in the Hat."

"I know that!"

"Shut up."

"What's up?"

Wednesday kicked him in the shins. "Bongle-brains."

"Thank you, milady. Shall I open the door for you? Or does the Lady deign not lower herself to sit amongst the common folk?"

"The Lady lowers herself to learn of thy Lady Hecate's gifts, mine dear Brother Harcourt. Doth the gentleman deign let me pass?"

"But of course. How can I resist such a beauty as a carniverous flower like thyself?"

"Thou cannot, Brother," Wednesday said haughtily as she walked through the door that Harry held open. Harry grinned.

"I darest not believe that I may."

"Do ye thinkest we shall turn one another to frogs?"

"Nay, Lady. Newts."

"Bog Frogs."

"Zoots Newts."

_Briiiiing!_ The bell sounded.

**Hogwarts School, Scotland - Headmaster's Office**

Albus Dumbledore was a worried man, a very, very worried man indeed. The silver moniters he had keeping track of Harry Potter's health and happiness had pluttered along fine for years and now - and now he finds out that the boy is nowhere in England! Albus Dumbledore, as has been said, was quite the very worried man.

Oh, he thought, Tom was sure to return. He did not doubt this for one second. And whether he liked it or not, the Potter boy was the key to the Dark Lord's destruction, once and for all. Albus Dumbledore, you see, was a Leader, and Leaders, whether they liked it or not, had to sacrifice pawns so that knights, bishops, rooks, and most importanltly, kings could live. Add in a prophecy foretelling said pawn being able to destroy the Dark Lord, and, well, Dumbledore was under the impression that he had exactly the sacrificial lamb he needed. Whether he liked it or not.

He thought for a while, feeling more than a tad guilty when he barked at Madame Pomphrey to go away, and finally devised a way to track the child through the monitors on his health. The only bad part was that the silver trinket-y objects in question would explode...

Nevertheless, they could be remade, probably, and the Wizarding Realm could be saved. He did though, thinking back to his own days of defeating a Dark Lord, in a part of him quite far removed from his Leader-ness, feel sorry for the child. The Leader part of him, however, doubted that the boy would survive, and squashed any thought of the occurance happening.

It did, however, feel that the boy should never get too big-headed, nor be very strange. No, that would not do at all.


	8. Chapter 8

_**CHILDHOOD:**_

Wednesday grinned as she hooked up the electric chair. "Pugsley," she ordered, "sit in the chair."

Pugsley raised his eyebrows. "Why?"

"So we can play a game, Harry smirked from the corner. Pugsley, Harry thought, you really shouldn't have cut off Marie Antionette's head.

"What game?" Pugsley asked suspiciously.

"It's called, 'Is there a God?'" Wednesday deadpanned as she strapped him in.

Pugsley didn't have time to protest before Wednesday turned it on. Five minutes later, Pugsley was still grinning like a maniac. "Again!"

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Harry nudged the thing with his toe. "Is it dead?" Pugsley asked him

Wednesday answered. "Does it matter?"

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Harry poked Pugsley. Pugsley snored. A Girl Scout came up to their lemonade stand. She prattled on to Wednesday about something, and Wednesday replied - something about Girl Scout Cookies - and the blonde ran off screaming. Pugsley snored again.

Harry turned to his sister. "You know, Pugs misses out on all the good stuff. He missed Lurch breather fire, too."

Wednesday raised an eyebrow. "Oh what_ever_ could you mean, my dearest twin brother?" Well wasn't she snarly.

"I think he takes after Cousin Clot."

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"Children, what are you doing?" Morticia asked somewhat absently.

"Electrocuting Pugsley," Harry and Wednesday chorused.

"But we're late for the charity auction..."

"But Mother..." Wednesday whined.

"I said no."

"Pleeaase?" Pugsley asked pleadingly.

Morticia raised her hands in defeat. "Oh, all right."

!l'nm,+Q~"N6'&|SNM!l'nm,+Q~"N6'&|SNM!l'nm,+Q~"N6'&|SNM

"Thing," a three year old Harry said to the family friend, "Mother says that you're a handful."

Harry did not know how a hand could look smug, but it seemed rather easy for a disembodied one.

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"Harry. Pass the salt."

"Wednesday, what do we say?" Morticia asked.

Wednesday glared. "_Now._"

!l'nm,+Q~"N6'&|SNM!l'nm,+Q~"N6'&|SNM!l'nm,+Q~"N6'&|SNM

"Mama and Papa are waltzing again," Pugsley said, slamming the door behind him, and looking green.

"Again? It's only been a few hours!" Harry said, shocked, from behind _The Art of War._

Wednesday patted Pugsley on the back. "There's a barf bag under the sink..."

"We're making them into stink bombs again?" Harry queried, vaguely interested.

"No. Bucket-over-the-door traps, and short-sheeting beds at camp."

!l'nm,+Q~"N6'&|SNM!l'nm,+Q~"N6'&|SNM!l'nm,+Q~"N6'&|SNM

"Did you know that the human spirit is hard to kill with a chainsaw?"

"Really? How hard can it be?"

Grandmama chuckled and patted Wednesday's head.

!l'nm,+Q~"N6'&|SNM!l'nm,+Q~"N6'&|SNM!l'nm,+Q~"N6'&|SNM

"Uncle Niknak's winter wardrobe . . . Uncle Niknak's summer wardrobe . . . Uncle Niknak . . . "

Harry raised his eybrows. "I thought he went on vacation," he whispered to Wednesday.

"He did."


	9. Chapter 9

Harcourt and Wednesday were happy to come home for the weeks-end. Magic was fun to learn, and they loved Salem, but the Mansion was home. They were playing catch and fire when the doorbell screamed. Wednesday raised an eyebrow, but leveled the crossbow, aiming for the apple on Harcourt's head. She had just shot it when Grandmama slammed the door open. "Harry, there's an old man here to see you."

Harry just nodded absently, aiming his crossbow at Wednesday. She caught the arrow. "Aim for the soft tissue, you idiot!" She yelled at him. "Now c'mon."

Harcourt rolled his eyes. Sisters. Were. A. Pain.

In the front room, sitting perfectly at ease by the stuffed polar bear, was a man that seemed vaguely familiar to Harcourt. Now, being an Addams, he did not ignore things like that, and he was suspicious. If this man was from before his coming to the Addams...

"Harry, my boy!" The old man exclaimed jovially. Harcourt winced as the gaudy gold stars lit up on the mans scarlet robe. "How good tyo see you again! Now, my name is Albus-"

"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, meaning white bumblebee, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which are the same thing, since 1956, Grand Scorcerer, Supreme Mugwump of the British Wizengamot, Cheif Warlock of the ICW, of which the Americas are not a part of, Light wizard," Wednesday rattled off. "You're the one that heard that Prophesy in the 1970's or 80's about the one destined to defeat a Dark Lord."

The old man, Dumbledore, looked surprised now. "Why yes, I am, my dear, and I did. I am here, however, not to speak of my accomlishments, but to o-"

"Offer me a place at your school? Why?" Harry watched the man distrustfully. He was a Master Legilimens. But then, so were most Addams, himself included. Occlumeny was still horrible, though. Stupid techniques...

"Well, my dear boy, your parents at-"

He wasn't his boy. "I'm sorry, Grand Scorcerer, but my sister and I already attend school here, and my parents are Morticia and Gomez Addams. Mother went to Beauxbatons, and Father to Merlin Tech. Who do you mean?"

Dumbledore tried to catch Harcourt's eye, but the boy found a tapestry he had watched his mother and grandmothers and aunts sew far more interesting. "Now, Harry. Surely you know that you are adopted? Your real parents were He-"

Pugsley cut him off this time. "Grand Scorcerer, is there a reason that you are attempting to read my brothers mind?"

Dumbledore shifted uneasily. "I mearly wished to be sure that Harry's mind is his own, my goo-"

Harry cut him off. "Sir, you have no authority to read my mind. Were any of us to report it, you could lose your place on the ICW, or your Headmastership. Now what. Do. You. Want. I know that I am adopted, but I am and Addams. Morticia and Gomez raised me, they are my real parents. Lily and James Potter cared for me, and loved me, and they will always be a part of me, but they died before my second birthday. If you are here to offer me a place at your school, I decline. I have already settled in quite comfortably at my school. I have no wish to leave."

Dumbledore continued to try and convince the Family to send Harcourt to Britain, where he was hailed as the second coming of Merlin, for about three hours, until Grandmama finally piped up over a yak stew sandwich, "Why not send the twins to Hogwarts together, and have one or two of us adults come with them?"

Dumbledore smiled broadly at her. "Simply splendid idea, my dear! But, I am afraid, that Hogwarts has no open teaching slots-"

"I think I may have a solution," Morticia all but purred. "Perhaps Grandmama could help with teaching potions? She is a certified Alchemist and Potions Mistress, surely your Potions Master, could use some help? And perhaps Gomez or I could be teachers Assistants. I could help with the more, ah, dangerous plant species, such as my dear Cleopatra, or Gomez could help teach Muggle Studies. Surely, someone who lives in the Muggle world could be of assistance in that subject?"

Dumbledore leveled his gaze towards her coldly for the briefest of moments, but said in a sickeningly cheerful voice, "Well, I suppose that Severus could use help, but I'm afraid no other teachers would..."

Gomez grinned at him, "Splendid then! Although... None of us have seen your school. A tour should be in order, as well as an overview of your courses, meet the teachers, oh, and perhaps a donation... One of my cousins is actually one of your teachers, complains often about the lack of proper brooms, and bad venting in the potions labs..."

Dumbledore looked constipated. "That sounds... perfectly reasonable," he said in a tight voice.

Wednesday smirked. "_Apperently, this one dislikes parental involvement, especially with his little hero,_" she hissed softly in Parsel. Harry was forever glad that he had been able to teach the language to his family. Their human accents were almost non-existant now, compared to when they first learned.

Pugsley nodded. "_Interesting, isn't it? You'll have to write._"

"_And use a bird? Never! Far too easy to intercept, as we all know,_" Harcourt said seriously, but he grinned a bit, remembering that exploding vulture. The joys of dragon fireworks and feather dye. "_Doesn't Grandmama have an old Wiccan spellbook? With all those bits of doggerel verse? I think there's a shifting spell. Or we could enchant a journal..._"

"_I'll look at it, twin mine._"

The grown-ups were finishing their talking, and it seemed that Grandmama was coming with them. Harry grinned to himself a bit. He loved potions, he couldn't wait to finally meet the elusive Cousin Severus Snape.

Harry glanced at the suitcase he held on his right. He was still taking all of his Salem classes, thankfully, along with the Hogwarts ones, and the tiny grey luggage had all of his and Wednesday's Salem School things. Wednesday squeezed his hand. "Scar covered, brother?"

He nodded. He hated being in the spotlight. well, no. That wasn't true. He hated being in the spotlight for something his mother did, and her not getting any credit. He hugged Cousin Itt, tickled Cousin Whatt, and waved good-bye to everyone. Time to board the train.

Wednesday, kind, perfect, wonderful, demonic fallen angel that she was, led him to the back of the train, where very few people would sit. They chose the compartment by the loo, and closed the scratchy grren curtain across it. Harry put his backpack against the window wall and propped Soviet Airland and Battle Tactics on his knee. "Comfy?" Wednesday asked snidely.

Harry grinned at her. "Very. Now shush. Is the door warded to keep people away?"

"Tch. No, we need to know who to avoid, and who to manipulate. Both types will come in during the ride." She fished A History of Gruesome Torture; Pre-History out of her knapsack, and curled onto her side on her her half of the compartment. The train lurched forward, taking them to Scotland.

Joy.


	10. Chapter 10

Harry had just turned to Chapter 5, the Defense, when the compartment door slid open. "Oi, can I sit here?" Next thing Harry could tell, Wednesday yelped as the boy say on her. "You blibbering blue faced scullion!" She yelled, her voice pitching about as a high as a boy dolphin's during puberty, before it's voice got lower.

The red-haired boy scowled at her. "I'm sitting here, Piss off, bint."

Within a second, the boy had two wands at his throat.

Wednesday smiled innocently. "What did you call me?"

The boy gave her a childish, ugly look. Then he spat on her. Harry rolled his eyes, and reached for a pressure point. The boy went limp. "Verituserum, Wends?"

Wednesday handed him the sickly green vial, and Harry put six dropsd on the red-heads' tongue, then rubbed his neck to make him swallow. "Three seconds, brother."

Three... Two... One. The boy's eyes opened, and the wands were at his neck again. "What did you call me?" Wednesday asked.

"Bint,"

"Why did you sit in here?" Harcourt asked.

"Told to. Dumbledore paid my family to have me watch you, to make sure you weren't dark."

"Will you stay quiet about this incident, and go away now?" Wednesday gave him a sinister smile. She really should give lessons...

"No."

"Wednesday, where's the forgetfulness potion?"

"In your jeans pocket."

"Thank you." Harry held the boy around the neck with one hand, and fished the bottle out with another. "Swallow this."

The boy shook his head. Harry rolled his eyes. "_Ssissarsshha,_" he hissed for his snake familiar. The coral snake poked her head out from his jacket pocket, and the redhead opened his mouth in surprise and shock. Maybe fear. Idiot. Wednesday shoved the whole vial of potion in his mouth, and made him swallow it.

"You came into our compartment, and we already had all of our things out and all over the seats. You were not rude and left. You are assured that we are the goodest of wizards or witches, and that we are not going to bring anyone harm. You decided to go sit with some Muggleborns, and tell them all about the magical world. Like the sports that we play. Quidditch."

The redhead gave her a blank look, and nodded, then headed back out again.

Wednesday gave harry a Look. Mum just had to teach her that. "Harcourt Addams. I think some revenge will be in order."

Harry grinned to make a Chershire run. "My thoughts exactly, sister twin."

"Want to go over the Daedalus notes?" She queried, reffering to the notes for a prank thatwas still in progress.

"I'd love to."

There wasn't much to go over, and they finished up right after the food trolley left. Had the woman never heard of healthy food? Harry was glad that Grandmama had packed some Chilli Stomache sandwiches for them. With peanut butter and jam. They were reading again when a blonde entered. Harry watched him from behind his book, so did Wednesday. Aristocrat, deefinitely, lot of talk, weak jaw, seemed to be a flier, arrogant - wasn't that a fatal flaw? - as Olympus, confident, seemed to be following orders, his twitchy eye gave away that he did not want to be here.

"My name is Draco Malfoy. I heard that a Potter and an Addams were in this compartment. Is that you?" His tone was polite. He knew not to insult one of the richest families in the Magical realm. He didn't have a death wish then, the poor guy.

Wednesday and Harry closed their books in unison. "I'm Wednesday Addams, Mr. Malfoy."

"And I am her twin brother, Harcourt Addams. I was previously Mr. Potter, yes. What do you want from us?" Harry subtly fingered his wand. Draco eyed it nervously, but held himself straight, determined not to show fear.

"I bring tidings of House Malfoy, welcoming the Addams Clan to Britain. My father asked that I speak with you. If I may?"

Wednesday nodded; as eldest child and Addams by birth rather than blood adoption, by the Old Laws she was the main representative of the Family. She was in charge so long as they were Formal, as the Addams line went back the farthest. "Speak, Scion Malfoy."

"Thank you, Heiress Addams. If we may be informal?"

She nodded sharply, and they all leaned back in their seats. They were eleven, and all that formal stuff was irritating, if fun when messing with people. "What is it, Draco?"

"I merely wish to talk. I admit to having no idea what to talk about, however."

"What House do you plan on being Sorted into?" Harry asked him.

"Slytherin. The Malfoys have all been Slytherin since we came from France. And you?"

"The Hat will decide, though I admit to hoping for Apprentice. Stop talking at the same time as me!" the twins said together. Draco snickered.

"Good luck with that, but the last Apprentice was Bertie Bott, over two hundred years ago. What makes you think that you will get one? No offense intended, of course."

Wednesday raised a thin black brow, "Our Grandmama and our Cousin teach Potions at Hogwarts this year. It gives us a better chance."

Draco nodded. "It does." They kept talking for a while, but then Draco left for his compartment, to change into his robes. Wednesday Silenced the door. "Watch him."

"And you."

"He can be easily manipulated, it seems."

"It does, but subtlty is key. Just prodding for now."

"Papa did say that Malfoy's are never good allies..." Wednesday mused.

"...But they are the best of pets. I know, sister," Harry finished. "So what House are you hoping for?"

"Ravenclaw tower is told to have Rowna's library hidden withiin it's very wall."

"Hufflepuff is said to lead to a dungeon filled with plants that thriver in the dark."

"The sorting hat shall decide."

"Get your robe on."

Wednesday threw his book at him.


	11. Chapter 11

Harry gripped his sisters' hand tightly as he looked around the Entrance Hall. It was so... _cheery._ And bright, and why was everyopne muttering about wrestling trolls? They'd probably end up trying on a singing hat or some other such nonsense.

"Harry," Wednesday whispered. "Concentrate. Just relax and ignore them."

Harry nodded and squeezed her hand again. "What do you say we try and find someone normal?"

"Them normal or us normal?"

"Guess."

Wednesday grinned andpulled him by the wrist through the group of their forty-some eleven-years-old classmates. Everyone was chattering, except a girl that just stood still as a tree by the doors. Some people screamed behind them, but the girl, and the Addams, ignored it. She had white hair, and was paler than Wednesday. She glanced up from the bok as the twins came closer. Her eyes were red. "Hello. Have you come to tease me as well?"

Harry and Wednesday shook their heads. "No," Harry said, "We just wanted to get away from the cahtter. Do you mind?"

She smiled a little, but she still looked suspicious. "I'm Lyra Whitlock."

"Wednesday Addams."

"Harcourt Addams."

"Nice to meet you. Are you from America? You speak like my cousin Anne."

"New Jersey, yeah. Nervous about the Sorting?"

The girl shook her head. "Not at all. It'll probably be something silly, like, I don't know, differentiating between shades of pink. Whoever attacks it goes to Gryffindor, Whoever sets it on fire to Slytherin, whoever hugs it goes to Hufflepuff, whoever studies it with a 'what-kind-of-bug-are-you' face gets into Ravenclaw. Everyone else gets thrown in the lake as squid food."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "There are different colours of pink?"

Lyra made to answer, but McGonagall was sheparding all the First Years into the great hall. Harry offered his arm to Wednesday, "Sister?"

She whacked his arm. "Offer your other arm to Lyra, you idiot!"

"I surrender, O Mighty One."

"Good."

The two girls grabbed his arms and they walked into the hall at the back of the line. Harry searched the head table for Grandmama and Cousin Severus. The man was glaring at him like the plague.

"Why is that teacher glaring at you?"

"No clue. He's my cousin, but I've never met him."

"That explains it."

"Addams-Potter, Harcourt!"

Harry stepped around his classmates and up toward the Hat. As long as it didn't sing everything that was in his head...

'Well, Hello, boy. You're a strange one, aren't you?'

**AN/AR: I don't know where to put Harry! I'm going to try and figure it out by morning (checks clock) okay, nevermind, by sunshine-time. But I would love some input, so that I have your ideas. I'm not too keen on Slytherin... While Harry and Wednesday may be manipulative, they are mostly family-centered... I find it strange that I'm caught between Hufflepuff and Slytherin. I'm thinking Hufflepuff.**

**Thank you for letting me rant. It helps plotting so much. Now I am going to attack my fingernails with a Sharpie and sleep because my English teacher had come up with a new form of torture - we're watching To Kill A Mockingbird, and I've already read the book about ten times. It never takes off. So nighty-night, let the bedbugs bite, and wear black jammies.**

**God Bless,**

**Mercy.**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN/AR: Since most people in their reviews said Slytherin, they'll be in the Snake House. I liked the idea of a new House, but more likely than not they'd be the only ones in it... Oh darn it, now I'm caught between two again...**

_"Addams-Potter, Harcourt!"_

_Harry stepped around his classmates and up toward the Hat. As long as it didn't sing everything that was in his head..._

_'Well, Hello, boy. You're a strange one, aren't you?'_

"Are you the Hat?"

"Yes."

"Are you singing everything out to the great hall?"

"...No..."

"I don't believe you."

"Bah. Let's see, very clever, that's obvious, but you aren't a lover of knowlege. You are quite the cunning strategist, not to mention more paranoid than Mad-Eye Moody..."

"Hey! Cousin Alaster is not paranoid!"

"Of course he isn't. Oh ho! ruthless, you Addamses, aren't you? You're either courageous, or painfully stupid-"

"I was six! And I really didn't mean to turn her hair pink!"

"Well at least you're a better liar now. But still... What about Gryffindor? It seems a good fit, you're loyal, either courageous or painfully, _painfully_ stupid..."

"I refuse to be cannon fodder, Mr. Hat."

"Do you, now? Hmm... You aren't fooled easily, and... You and your family honestly think that you are normal?"

"Well of course we are. It's everyone else that is strange."

"I... Very well then. You're very kind to everyone. Well, everyone that hasn't insulted one of your family, anyway...And you stay by your morals, don't you? You work hard, and you're fair... Hufflepuff ot Slytherin, Hufflepuff or Slytherin... Yes, it might be a bit rough, but I believe you'd do well in HUFFLEPUFF!"

There was scattered applause as Harry made his way toward the Hufflepuff Table. His scar prickled, odd... He was surprised that Dumbledore hadn't tried to make him use his birth name alone, though.

"Addams Wednesday!"

Wednesday gave people a cool look when they sniggered at her name, and sat under the hat. After a few minutes, it called out, "HUFFLEPUFF!"

More clapping, and Harry moved over to make room for his twin. "I thought you'd be in Slytherin or Ravenclaw, Wends."

Wednesday gave him a Look. "It's amazing how quickly enchanted cloth agrees with you once you threaten it with fiendfyre. And it;'s not like I'd leave you alone in a House without me."

"True, true." While everyone else was bein Sorted, Harry thought back to his and Wednesday's conversation with their parents after they agreed to send them to Hogwarts.

_"Mama! How could you do that to us?" Wednesday all but wailed, trying to keep her temper._

_Gomez sighed and looked at the two eleven-years-olds., "Tell me what you remember of the Grand Scorcerer, Wednesday, Harcourt. What he has done to reach his goals."_

_"In the war with Grindelwald, he bonded with a pjoenix to give him an advantage," Wednesday recalled._

_"And in the War with Voldemort, he used that phoenix to re-instate the ancient Order of the Phoenix," Harry said._

_Gomez nodded. "Good examples, children, but remember other, smaller things. When his sister died, he squandered the Dumbledore fortunes investing in a cure for her ailment. An extreme measure, but understandable. I think it actually might be a part of the bloodlone. You remember how some families have certain traits that are always passed on?"_

_"Like the Gaunt line's aggressivness."_

_"Exactly! Although, that one was a curse... When Dumbledore'ssister was attacked at age seven, the father tortured the boys just like they had his daughter. Another extreme reaction. When Tom Riddle first came to Hogwarts, Dumbledore was suspicious of him, just because he did not seem 'Light.' Somewhat extreme, I'd say."_

_"Isn't Tom Riddle Voldemort?"_

_"Exactly Wednesday! Capital deduction! Andin the Voldemort War, when he heard a prophesy foretelling the desctruction of a Dark Lord, what did he do?"_

_"He... He practically let Voldemort at the two kids. Me and Neville Longbottom."_

_"Exactly! Now, all of these are extreme reactions! If we didn't send you to Hogwarts, what would he do?"_

_"...Make Harcourt go."_

_"But if we agree, so long as Grandmama and you can go with him..."_

_"Then he has no choice."_

_"Yes! We're Family, and we protect each other! Now, of course, your Hogwarts grades don't affect your Salem ones, so..."_

_"Can we wreak utter havoc, Father?" Wednesday asked innocently, batting her long black lashes._

_"Capital idea, My dear! Simply capital!"_

_"Ppa," Harry deadpanned. "You are a mad genius."_

_"Thank you."_

"Harcourt Addams!"

"OW!" Harry rubbed his ear where Wednesday has slapped it. "What was that for?"

Wednesday rolled her eyes. "Our new friend just got apprenticed to the Charms Professor. Clap!"

Harry grinned and clapped. He hoped Lyra would be happy as an apprentice. Blaise Zabini, an Italian boy, was sorted into Slytherin, and Dumbledore welcomed them all to Hogwarts. Harry and Wednesday happily ate the meal, and then they chatted with the other students. Toward the end of the meal, however, Grandmama caught his eye, and mouthed, 'You, Wednesday, meet me outside Common Room, one hour.'

Harry nodded and passed it on to Wednesday.

They were dismissed a few moments later, and led down to the Hufflepuff Basement.


	13. Chapter 13

"Harry. Harry, wake up!" Harry blinked blearily as his twin's face came into focus. They had both fallen asleep in the common room. He yawned.

"Good Morning, Wednesday. What do you want?"

"Let's go to the lake. I want to talk."

"About last night?"

"Yes, what Grandmama said."

"Okay..." Wednesday pulled him up, and all but dragged him out of the castle.

It was just before dawn now, and a little bit misty out, still. What appeared to be the giant squid swan laps near the shore, it's great big tenticles making ripples on the surface. "You okay?" He asked Wednesday quietly, squeezing her hand.

She smiled a little at him, and sat down on the wet grass under a birch tree. "Sit," she told him, patting the ground beside her. "It's just that... we're so far away from home. We have each other, and Grandmama, but it's not the same, is it? Things are so different here... I don't like being a haughty pureblood Heiress, I'd rather be chasing Pugsley and you through the woods with a butcher knife."

"Hogwarts has woods, and I'm sure we can find you a butchers' knife." Wednesday shook her head, and nusged his arm with her elbow. "That's not what I mean, silly. I miss the Mansion, and the Family, and Salem... I can't wait to leave, and we haven't even started classes yet. And I'm worried for you. What if Cousin Severus treats you like a Potter? He hate's your birth family. But you're an Addams. I hope we make friends here, though, even though we will leave. Is that silly?"

"Not at all. And if Cousin Severus treats me like a Potter... He's an Addams, too. He'll live through most of what we cook up. Although, as for friends, I doubt that Malfoy or the red head will be any good. Maybe we should look into our own Housemates."

Wednesday nodded, "Are you sure that you would want to make friends with... him?"

Harry knew who she was talking about, just by the way she spoke. "I am. Neville... he could have been me. I wouldn't want to be ignored if I were him. He doesn't seem that confident either. What if Dumbledore wants him as a tool after we leave? Better build up his self-esteem now, before..." He wasn't quite sure how to finish his sentence-y speech.

"Before DruggySnore can get to him."

"Yeah. What do you think Mama and Papa thought that Dumbledore could do to us if I didn't come here?"

Wednesday toyed with some grass before choosing her words very carefully. "Well... He was the Potter's leigelord, for all intents and purposes, before they died. In European magical society, he could have pulled that, added with his clout as Mugwump, Grand Scorcerer, head of the ICW and Headmaster... He could have taken you away from us until you turned seventeen, or married. I think they wanted to play it safe though, and try and learn more about the old man. We may know some of what he does, but there's no pattern that you can tell, other than extreme reactions. It has to lead to something, but what?"

"You sound like Mama. But I think that you're right. You want to swim for a bit?"

"If you remember that drying charm."

Harry just splashed her.

Albus Dumbledore was plotting.

He couldn't mold the boy, as he had planned, but he could still get him on his side. He had to. But to convince all of the Family? That would be harder. He couldn't appear interested, he would look like he was ignoring the boy. But... the Addams had creature blood. If the First years sampled it, as a... a way to see the effects of potions they could potentially make, yes that would work as an excuse... then the girl would shift through the different creatures in her blood for the last ten or so generations... It would also be useful for him, now that he thought about it.

If that didn't scare the boy off, though... He couldn't depend on the Weasley boy. But perhaps a Muggleborn in Hufflepuff House? He should check the class list. Hufflepuffs were loyal and true, they'd be loyal to him.

He spent his day constructing and reconstructing a lovely elegant plan. Now how to keep the boy from ruining it...


	14. Chapter 14

Wednesday and Harry decided that wizards had very strange taste in food. "What _is_ it?" Wednesday asked him, poking a square piece of meat.

Harry sniffed it.

"It smells like Auntie Margaret's cooking."

"Or something Cousin Edgar would experiment with."

"Or Cousin Ellen would feed to Bernice and Morella."

"Maybe. But what is it?" Wednesday asked as she poked it with her fork. "I think I'll try that black sausage thing."

"That's black pudding. Didn't you know that?" It was him. Neville.

"No, we didn't," Wednesday said in a musing tone. "We aren't from Britain, after all. We frew up in America."

Neville nodded. "All right then. D'you know when we'll be getting out class schedules?"

Harry shook his head. "No clue. But I suppose that we'll get them before classes. It would be hard to get tot them otherwise."

Wednesday smirked a little. "It still will be though, won't it? After all, this castle has been growing since it was built. Why don't they give us maps?"

Neville shrugged. "Maybe they will. I'm Neville."

"Harcourt. Or just Harry."

"Wednesday. I'll gut you if you call me Wendy."

Neville looked scared at Wednesday's declaration, but he nodded. "O-okay, Wednesday, Harry." He looked like he was trying to decide something right before he asked, "Why were you poking the Lorne sausage?"

Harry and Wednesday looked at each other, then at Neville. "Because it's strange."

Neville looked like he didn't know what to say to that.

.

"Look right there!"

"Where?"

"Next to that weird girl, with the braids."

"With the green eyes?"

"Lookit 'is scar!"

"You see his face?"

Harry did not like people whispering about him as he walked to class.

People were standing on tip-toe, doubled back, or just stood there, staring dumbly. All to look at a disfigurment on his forhead. Wednesday checked her pocket watch. "Ten minutes until class, brother, come here." She pulled him back a few feet, and tapped him with her wand. It felt like she cracked an egg on him. "Notice-Me-Not charm," she said as an explaination. Harry nodded, and she pulled him behind a tapestry. So that was why Wednesday had leaned in a bit before. Her hand must have gone forward while she ran it along the wall.

She pulled some flesh coloured make-up from her pocket. "We're covering that thing up. I can barely keep from shoving everyone off a cliff."

"Okay. Thank you, Wednesday."

"Not a problem, brother dear. Though, if this keeps up, I'm calling Edgar and Ellen for some pranks."

"Oh... I was hoping you'd say that."


	15. Chapter 15

On Friday, there was potions. Wednesday were looking forward to this, for the same reasons. Cousin Severus would be teaching it, and they were happily looking forward to either pranking him... or everyone else in the classroom.

The class was in the wonderfully drafty dungeons, and it was delighfully cold, with some sort of slimy residue on the walls. Their cousin's classroom had perfectly creepy pickled things floating in jars, and so many dead things for ingrediants! Wednesday was smiling, actually smiling a happy smile, not a predatorial one. She didn't do that much, other than really quickly when she spoke with Family.

"Addams, Wednesday," Cousin Severus drawled as he began roll call. Wednesday raised an eyebrow.

"Cousin Severus, you forgot to call my brother's name." No point in letting him think he could ignore Family.

Severus raised his own eyebrow. "Have I, Miss Addams? According to the class list, your 'brother' is a Potter. He won't be called first, celebrity or no."

"And you won't drop a grudge, dead man or no, Cousin."

Severus sneered. "As you can talk back, I will assume you are present, Miss Addams. You will call me Professor Snape while school is in session." He called out the next name.

When he got to Harry's, he paused. "Ah. Harry Potter, our new celebrity." Some people snickered.

Harry corrected him. "Excuse me, Cousi- I apologise, Professor Snape, but my name is Harcourt Addams-Potter. I am present for class."

Severus sneered and continued to call roll, glaring at Harry. His eyes made you think of warm chocolate chip cookies, children laughing and playing tag at school, kindergarten classes, cups of hot chocolate by a cozy fire. The twins repressed shudders.

He finished roll call.

"Potter! What is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?" Harry ignored him and flicked a page in his potions text.

"Potter!"

Nothing.

"Harry Potter! Answer the question!"

Harry looked up. "Pardon, Professor? Were you asking me? I'm afraid I go by Addams. But monkshood and wolfsbane are the same plant. Mama usually calls it blue rocket, but Papa likes to use the term leopard's bane. Cousin Itt calls it woman's bane, and Grandmama calls it by all of those names, as well as Aconite. There is no difference, I don't think."

"Powdered root of asphodel and an infusion of wormwood make what?"

"Oh! I helped Grandmama make the Draught of Living Death right before we came to school, sir. You just need to add a base of peppermint juice and some chicken's blood with snake venom."

"What kind of snake venom?"

"Diluted basilisk venom, or coral or copperhead venom."

Cousin Severus sneered. Wednesday piched Harry's pinky finger, on the nail, and then nudged his leg with her pointy-toed boot. _Edgar and Ellen. Another chance?_

Harry rolled his shoulders, making sure to move her one braid off of her shoulder. _Yes. _He flipped his hand onto hers. _Can be taught by the end of the year._

.

The Addams twins quickly made their own reputation at the school. After Weasley was found hanging from the top of the tallest tower, with no memory of the past month, and quacking like a duck, people seemed to be wary of him.

He had insulted Susan Bones.

The twins viewed the Hufflepuffs as their family while at school, and treated them that way. Susan and Hannah Abbot were very nice, and pleasant to study with. The friends were almost inseperable, and were paired up in most classes. The two girls liked helpiung with pranks quite a bit, and for some _odd_ reason, after a group of Gryffindors hexed Eloise Midgen with an ever-acne curse, making the Gryff/Ravenclaw class she was in laugh her from the room, neither House could find their way out of the dungeons for a few days...

Edgar's idea for attatching a curse to a single stitch of the House patch on everyone's robes was brilliant.


	16. Chapter 16

There was a rather high-pitched, squeeling shriek in the Great Hall at Hallowe'en supper.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "You know," he said to Wednesday, "I would have thought that Weasley as a girl would have been louder than that."

"Speak for yourself, Harry. My ears are ringing."

"Susan, it's not my fault that your ears hate your brain."

"Oh, shut up Wednesday. Why did you two prank Weasley, anyway. Not that he doesn't deserve it, but still . . . "

The twins put their hands over their hearts in shock, "Us?" they chorused innocently, "Whyever would you think it 'twas us that could harm good Ronald? Oh Susan, Hannah, you _wound_ us. You wound us so _deeply._ How little you think of us, our dear friends! Oh, how greviously we bleed!"

Hannah snorted. "If you were as bad off as you say, you'd be skipping around and singing about it."

Wednesday raised an eyebrow. "You're point? And as for why someone pranked Ronald, it couldn't have anything to do with him making a girl cry for helping him when he was failing miserably, could it?"

.

Hermione Granger had a broken leg, a concussion, was out cold for three days, had lost her ability to walk, and Ronald Weasley was expelled and drug from the castle by his screaming mother.

Granger's parents had contracted an American wizard/mortal lawyer, and were threatening to sue the school. Gomez had promised that he would lose, and make the school eat it's hat (not the sorting one... yet) Granger was still in class, for now, but had hexed anyone that spoke to her so thoroughly that even Wednesday was impressed.

.

November was wonderfully chilly, and Harry and Wednesday had taken to swimming in the near-completely-frozen lake every morning, before it was warmed a bit by the dreadfully sunny morning, before the clouds covered it.

Hannah and Susan didn't ever want to come, though.

The twin's Salem work was going along fine, although Wednesday detested cleaning charms. "Why clean up perfectly good dust?" She would ask him. Harry honestly couldn't figure it out, either. Harry seemed to be the only student that the librarian, Cousin Irma Pince, liked. She tolerated Wednesday, Susan, and Hannah more by association, so that was good. The woman also had a truly Addams sense of humour, and let them read books from the restricted section, so long as they didn't hurt anyone... permanently.

"Thank you, Cousin Irma!"

Irma smiled fondly at Harry and Wednesday, mostly Harry. "You tell your mother that I found something in the back that might help those plants of hers. Oh, what ones were they... the ones that strangled each other. Some garlic and cinnamon, with some raspberry juice with their water should help them until they can get all untangled."

"Okay, Cousin Irma!" Irma was Morticia's Aunt, and had a soft spot for the woman.

"I've told you once, I've told you several times, you two, Aunt Irma."

"Yes Cousin."

"Ooh... go read your book. And deal with that little blond boy... Draco something. He was hexing a smaller girl... and in my library! Promise me you'll do something?"

"Of course! Malfoy may be our new pet, but he's quite rude. Do you think shock therapy would help? Ellen has an extra collar."

"Do what you like, dears. But no getting caught."

.

**AN/AR: I like Madame Irma Pince, and I like playing with her... I know, I know, too many people related to the Addamses at Hogwarts, but I wanted Grandmama there to teach Severus a lesson, and Severus to have more chances to irritate... I can either like the guy or loathe him, he's bothersomely layered that way, so for this fiction, I'm not sure how I'll portray him.**

**Oh, and does anyone like my having the twins refferring to Malfoy as their pet? And for anyone who didn'tyt know, Edgar and Ellen are the two twelve-year-old twins from the book/television series Edgar and Ellen. I like them, and find them to be very Addams-ish. They have a pet named Pet, who looks a bit like Itt, so for the purposes of my story, Pet is Itt's... brother or nephew, I'm not certain which, yet. Edgar and Ellen are from a previous relationship of Ophelia's, and Pet... I can't recall exactly the parents (if any) of the E twins, so Pet id their guardian! I haven't seen/read the series for a while, so I get to make stuff up from my own chaotic mindy-brain-thingsy-whatsit.**

**And I like the perfectly sensible nonsense words of clear confusion!**

**The E twins and Harry aand Wednesday are close, and delight in helping one another prank. Thank you so much for reading, and I was wondering what everyone would think of Wednesday making all of the seats in the great hall work like an electric chair...**

**Oh, and it's 4:26 right now, and the Even Stevins movie is on right now, and there is a killer squirell there on it. What do you think of one chasing Malfoy and Snape through the castle, with puke spraying out of it's mouth onto their robes, with them slipping about in it?**

**Mercy.**


	17. Chapter 17

Cho Chang was backing away slowly from Wednesday Addams.

Wednesday cocked her head to the side,looking honestly confused. "What?" she asked, examining her red-spattered hands. "It's just blood."

Cho Chang ran away, screaming her head off. Wednesday was very confused. She'd just been dissecting a boggart...

.

The Christmas Holidays came quickly, and much to the twins' disgust, that meant decorating.

"Mr. Potter!" It was McGonagall. She was one of the teachers that _still_ insisted on calling Harry by his birth surname. Gah! Maybe they should ask Cousin Vendetta about making fiends... "Mr. Potter!" Wednesday doodled on her parchement a bit. Blood Quills were so good for sketching portraits of people for voodoo...

"Miss Addams! Has your brother gone deaf!"

Wednesday looked up at the old woman. "Pardon, Professor? My twins' hearing is perfectly fine. Whyever do you ask?"

McGonagall's nostrils were whitening. How pretty... "Miss. Addams. I have said your brother's name three times and he has ignored me. _Control him!_"

"No you didn't," Wednesday stated, looking confused. "You called for someone called Mr. Poter. Our surname is Addams."

"Your brother is Harry Potter, Miss Addams, whether he was adopted or not, so the both of you can stop acting like children and grow up!" Harry repressed a snicker. It was about an hour before the train left, and after all of their working on her, McGonagall had finally cracked, and in the Great Hall, of all places.

McGonagall got a funny gleam in her eyes, and Harry got a sick feeling in his stomache. "Mister Potter, Miss Addams, as you have caused a scene in the middle of the Great Hall, I have no choice but to order you to stay at the castle over the holidays. You are not leaving the castle until the summer holidays."

And then she stormed away, toward the Headmaster's office. Wednesday looked at Harry.

"Grandmama?"

Harry nodded. "Cousin Snape's surveillance system."

.

Grandmama was the most wonderful woman in the world.

She snuck them out of the castle in her baggage.

The twins sighed as they watched the Headmaster's office explode, both on the surveillance canvas, and from the train windows. "Pity it's wasted on him," Grandmama muttered.

The twins smiled at each other and whispered, "_Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nun_."


	18. Chapter 18

"Good morning, Mother," Wednesday yawned as she came down the stairs. She looked at the tree. A fairy was trying to murder a fly. How cheerful.

"Oh, Good morning, Wednesday, darling. Gloomy Christmas."

"It's Christmas? Oh, how dreadful."

"Isn't it, though? Where are your brothers?"

"Seeing how long Uncle Fester can stay in the electric chair. After lunch, we're planning on trying a curse we found in the library. It's called the Cruciartus Curse."

"Oh?" Morticia asked, stirring her nightshade tea. "And what does that do? It sounds wonderfully close to crucify, is it painful?"

Wednesday smiled. "Oh, wonderfully. It's actually illegal in Britain though. I looked it up, and here, they use it for magical shock therapy. It's not very popular, though..."

"People are very strange things, Wednesday. Do you want to help me feed Cleopatra before the carolers come?"

"What about the hot wassail?"

"Oh, it's already boiling in the attic. Thing is watching it."

"Oh, all right."

Morticia put her teacup down on the side table. "Wednesday, come here. I want to talk to you about Cousin Severus. Is he acting like a child still?"

Wednesday grimaved. "He is. Mother, why does he hate Harry? I know that he didn't like James Potter, but Harry is an Addams! Doesn't Family matter to the idiot?"

Morticia held her daughter close to her. "I honestly don't know anymore, sweetheart. It used to, but after Lily died... Sevrus wasn't the same. It's no excuse, but maybe you two can shock him out of it. Now, let's see... James Potter liked pranking, so, sadly, Harry can't prank the man, but yopu can, with those three friends of yours that you keep on writing about. Pugsley has been working on a robotic duck, it spits fire, do you think that you couyld use that?"

Wednesday frowned. "No... there aren't any ducks at school. However, Mama, maybe we can work on a... squirell with him. Maybe it could spit vomit. We still have some around here somewhere, left over from camp..."

Morticia hugged Wednesday closer. "That's a beutiful idea Wednesday. Now, Do you think Cleopatra would like mailman flavoured casserole, or vicar?"

"It's Christmas, Mama. Both."

.

**AN/AR: Just a little bit of Mother/Daughter love... sweet, isn't it?**


	19. Chapter 19

Wednesday waited until after Christmas Breakfast (Grandmama had outdone herself on the boiled house elf this year) to grab her brothers by their wrists and drag them outside to the woods. Now where was that knothole…. She stomped heavily on the thing and a panel opened up in the side of a very old, very thick, oak tree. "In, you two," she ordered. The boys shared bemused looks and crawled in.

She stomped on the knothole again and jumped inside herself. After a few minutes, the falling stopped, and she was in a warm, dry, and sadly cosy underground clubhouse. Wednesday brushed some imaginary dirt from her dress and addressed the two boys. "Okay, listen. Harry, Pugsley, Cousin Severus is being a prick, right?"

Harry nodded, but Pugsley asked confusedly, "Uhm, What's a prick?"

"Idiot, stupid person, Cousin Severus."

Pugsley nodded in thanks at his brother. "Now," Wednesday continued, "If I remember correctly, we have nine and a half pounds of vomit stored from Camp, three permanent short-sheeting kits, some buckets, Pugs, Mama said you had a robotic duck, two chainsaws, eighty five stink bombs, a bog frog, four Zoots Newts, Snorkak faeces, erm, Pugs, did you get the portable electric chair to work around magic? A paint bomb, Inland Taipan venom, and… what else?"

Pugsley spoke up, "Actually, Wends, I used some of it, so there's only nine pounds vomit, still the three short sheeting kits, four buckets, and yes, I do have a robotic duck. It can spit fire or anything else you want it to. I'm working on a cat right now that's like it. We still have the two chainsaws, only seventy stink bombs, a bog frog, two Zoots Newts, a pound of Snorkak faeces, yes, the portable electric chair works around magic now, two paint bombs, a gallon and a half of Inland Taipan venom, and a pint of Augrey tears."

Wednesday nodded. "So, oh elder brother mine, "how do you suggest we use all of these for pranks?"

Pugsley and Harry grinned.

**AN/AR: I know, I know, pitifully short chapter, isn't it? The stress of exams finally got to me, and I already know that I failed at least one of them. Not much of an excuse, but I'm a freshman, exams have been easy before this. Actually, the worst part has been after everyone finishes and won't SHUT UP. I wish that **_**I**_** had Inland Taipan venom then. I'm trying to get back to my old update schedule of one or more a day, but I can't make any promises. **

**I'm really busy right now, thanks to everyone making plans and such to celebrate school being out. I'm trying, I really am. And if any of you out there reading this have any ideas for pranks on Snape, Dumbles, and Malfoy, I'm happy to hear them. Muggle pranks are doubly good, as they would be next to impossible for either of the three to trace, and I'm…. not all that good with coming up with pranks. **

**Does anyone like the idea of the three being somehow potioned or spelled into singing something from the **Sound of Music**, or maybe **Somewhere over the Rainbow?


	20. Chapter 20

**Pre-AN/AR: I love fan fiction. Especially Crossovers. Not only does it help send writer's block packing to make room for a wonderful Miss Madam Muse, but it is also FUN to write, and gives me an excuse to get out of chores. "Just lemme finish this chapter, Mum?" works **_**beautifully**_** when you come from a family of bookworms.**

Morticia smiled as she watched her little darlings plot pranks on her cousin. They grew up so quickly. It seemed like only yesterday that the twins had come to her, asking about plant poisons. Or that little Pugsley made his first atom bomb. Oh, memories.

"Mail's in," she called as the noise went through the house,

Wednesday ran over to Thing to get it, "Thank you, Thing."

Her little angel. Pugsley nudged Harry, something about pink hair. Why didn't he ask Wednesday? She was the expert, after all. Morticia just smiled when Wednesday slapped them both on the back of the head. "Mother?"

"What is it Harcourt, darling?"

"Can we raid the attic for our pranks?"

"Who are you pranking?"

"Our pet, Draco Malfoy, Cousin Severus, and Dumbledore."

"Why Dumbledore?"

"He ordered Professor McGonagall to keep me and Wednesday at school over the summer holidays."

Morticia started smoking. "Well . . . How's this? You prank all of the teachers, then they won't know if you're onto them."

Harry grinned at her. "Perfect, Mama!"

"Merci, mon petit diable."

"Tish! You spoke French!"


	21. Chapter 21

**CLOUDSIE: Thank you, oh annoying twin sister mine, for the rant. Any reason you didn't just get off of your bed and TALK to me? Sisters, honestly. ESPECIALLY the twin-nish sort. 9.9**

**Chi Vayne: I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU! You'll find out why.**

Wednesday and Harry plotted happily, not feeling one little bit of pity for their dear cousin. Wednesday looked out the window, still grirking, a mixture of grinning and smirking. "Oh, brother," she said happily.

"Yes, sister?"

"If I'm guessing the time correctly… Our pet will be here…"

The compartment door slid open just as Wednesday mouthed 'Now.'

"Hello, Draconious," Harry greeted off-handedly.

Draco nodded to the dark-haired boy. "Hello Harcourt, Wednesday. Ready for Hogwarts? And you do realise that Dumbledore has been turning England topside under trying to find you for the last three weeks?"

The twins just smirked at him.

Draco leaned forward some and say down next to Harry. "So what's all on that… is that even parchment?"

"Paper," Wednesday answered him absently as she gathered it up into a manila folder. "Prank on a certain darling cousin of ours."

"Cousin?" Draco queried, discernibly bemused. "Oh, you mean Uncle Severus?"

"Uncle?" The twins demanded as one.

Draco gave a brief nod. "Yes, Uncle. He's my Godfather."

Wednesday and Harry looked at one another briefly. Harry spoke up for them both. "Well, why didn't you tell us that before? You're as good as family, then!" And they had the last person they needed for their prank. Yes, Draco would do well.

##########################################################################################

Dumbledore was fuming as he greeted everyone back to school after Christmas. Wednesday made a point to mention that the 'politically correct' term was 'Winter Holidays' and it was 'Hanukwanzmas.' The Addamses may loathe politically correctness and 'normality' but it was just such _fun_ to annoy people with it. Hypocrites? Them? Your point? The old man had just smiled tightly at her and finished talking. Continually being interrupted by the Addams Twins, their friends, Grandmama, and Auntie Irma Pince.

But, _whyever_ did darling Cousin Sevie look so constipated every time they corrected the old wizard?

"So how was your Hanukwanzmas, Wends, Harry?"

Wednesday smiled a little at Neville. Harry filed this away for future blackmailing material. "It was delightfully dreary, Neville. Harry, Pugsley, and I were able to pour the hot wassail onto the carollers' ourselves this year. It was simply delightful."

Neville had become more comfortable with the oddness that made up the Addamses and as such, just smiled and nodded. "Gran and I had Christmas to ourselves this year, now that Uncle Algie's dead. I honestly don't mind, but she was attached to the man. Not surprised, he was her last sane son."

"How wonderful, Neville! I can see why you wouldn't like the man, though. Didn't he keep on trying to kill you while you were growing up?" Wednesday might not have minded any of it, had it been her, but Neville wasn't Wednesday, now, was he?

Neville just shrugged. "We visited Mum and Dad, too. I don't know why Gran treats them like babies. The Healers said that talking to them normally would help more."

Wednesday just smiled at him a little. "'Ville, darling, grown-ups are all completely mad."

Neville laughed. Harry hooked his leg around Wednesdays and tapped it against hers twice. _It's time for the lesson, sibling dearest._

Wednesday stomped on his foot. _You scuffed my shoe!_ She kicked his leg. _Nimwad!_

Harry ignored her and did the switching spell just as Cousin Severus sniffed his drink, glared at the twins, and started to take a sip of the blood red wine. Harry switched Draco's portion of the potion with what had been in the boys stomach. Thank Hell that Auntie Irma and Grandmama had agreed to help with the prank.

Wednesday flicked her wand and muttered the spell, and the music began to play. Wednesday, Harry, Draco, Irma, Grandmama, and Severus disappeared in puffs of light grey smoke, and reappeared in the centre of the Great Hall, the smoke now a girly pink in colour. They were all dressed in white pinafore dresses, and Cousin Severus's had silvery glitter on it.

Severus stepped forward to the front of the group, and they all began to sing, in female voices not their own,

"We are family  
I got all my sisters with me  
We are family  
Get up everybody and sing

We are family  
I got all my sisters with me  
We are family  
Get up everybody and sing"

Some people were sniggering, but most were just staring now in dumb shock.

"Everyone can see we're together  
As we walk on by  
And we fly just like birds of a feather  
I'm not telling no lie

All of the people around us to say  
Can we be that close  
Just let me state for the record  
We're giving love in a family dose, yeah"

The group of six now began to dance around the hall, much to the amusement of the student population.

"We are family  
I got all my sisters with me  
We are family  
Get up everybody and sing

We are family  
I got all my sisters with me  
We are family  
Get up everybody and sing

Living life is fun and we've just begun  
To get our share of the world's delights  
High hopes we have for the future  
And our goal's in sight  
No we don't get depressed  
Here's what we call our golden rule  
Have faith in you and the things you do  
You won't go wrong, oh no  
This is our family Jewel, yeah"

The potion began to wear off, now, and Cousin Severus was visibly fuming. Not that he could do anything about it. This WAS a potion version of the Imperious Curs, after all.

"We are family  
I got all my sisters with me  
We are family  
Get up everybody and sing

We are family  
I got all my sisters with me  
We are family  
Get up everybody and sing

We are family  
I got all my sisters with me  
We are family  
Get up everybody and sing

We are family  
I got all my sisters with me  
We are family  
Get up everybody and sing "

The dance and song ended with a flourish, and Cousin Severus hugging all of the Addamses, by blood and by Godparentship.

Silver and gold fireworks spelled in the air, 'The Addams Family At Hogwarts: Forever and Beyond.' Below that, in equally bold lettering, black fireworks spelled out the phrase, 'Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc; We gladly feast on those who would subdue us!'

The Hall was silent as the potion and spell wore off, though the fireworks stayed stubbornly in place. Severus looked down at the family. And then he fled. Before he reached the doors, however, the Hall was filled with thick, impenetrable black smoke, with the Family all returned to their seats. Including Severus. Draco just looked confused.

**AN/AR: Chi Vayne, if you didn't get it, you gave me the idea for the song. I never would have thought of it without your YMCA suggestion.**


	22. Chapter 22

The twins' first class after the Holidays was Potions with Cousin Severus. They arrived early, and stalked into the classroom in a distinctly Severus-ish-like manner. This was highlighted by the little tidbitty fact that they were both dressed like him, but with their house patch on the front of their robes. Wednesday looked around quickly, then turned to Harry, who had done the same. "Harcourt, where is Cousin Severus?"

Harry quirked an eyebrow. "More likely than not in his office. Come on."

The twins were somewhat surprised to find both Grandmama and Auntie Irma Pince berating the poor man inside of said office. " - Family, young man, and you would do best to remember that if you w - "

Auntie Irma was cut off when the door slowly creaked open, admitting the Addams twins. "Cousin Severus?" they queried together.

Cousin Severus sneered at them. "What do you two brats want?"

"We wanted to ask if you knew why we pranked you."

He glared.

Wednesday rolled her eyes, but continued with the speech they had planned out together the night previous. "If you noticed, you, us, Grandmama, Draconious, all of us are Addams. Family is supposed to matter to Addamses, and it hasn't to you. After… After the Potters died, you stopped caring, and that's not fair. Go ahead and kick us out of potions class, deduct house points, give us detentions. We will continue to show you that we are all family whether you like it or not. And if it isn't properly embedded in your retinas by years' end, we'll keep going next year, even if we have to do it by owl."

Severus kept on glaring as the twins turned heel and made their way back to the classroom.


	23. Chapter 23

Harcourt James was always confused by Wednesday Friday.

This was a fact of existence.

This was a fact of life.

Harcourt James was, however, utterly, completely, extremely, wholly, absolutely, totally, unreservedly, fully, entirely, downright _baffled_ by his twin sister's obsessiveness in the library of late.

He quietly, as quiet as he could hope to be, stepped over to the dark braided girl and softly tapped her on the shoulder.

Ow.

He found himself looking at the ceiling when Wednesday's face came into view. "Sorry!"

Harry just groaned. "Is there a reason that you've been bonkers in here? And acting like Auntie Ophelia with her suitors?"

Wednesday shrugged, a very curious sight from his angle. "I'm trying to make electronics work here, and I'm hungry."

"So eat."

"But I don't want to leave."

"So curse somebody and make them get you food."

"But no-one's here this early, other than you."

"So curse me."

"You wouldn't come back, twin o' mine."

Harry nodded his head from sided to side. "You're right there. What about a House Elf?"

Wednesday smacked her forehead. "Idiot! Why didn't I think of that! Harcourt, darling twin, distract Auntie Irma so I can eat."

"Help me up first."

Wednesday stepped his head.

Ow.

Wednesday watched impatiently as her twin distracted their Aunt. "Blinky!" she hissed, remembering the House Elf that had hhelped her find that boggart before the holidays.

Without a sound, a tiny Elf appeared. "Yes Missy Wednesday?" Blinky asked, bowing.

Wednesday's eyes flickered toward the luibrarian's desk for a moment before she asked Bliny in a low voice, "Can you get me some food, Blinky? Something that'll help me stay up for a bit, but's quick to eat? And tastes good?"

Blinky considered for a spilt second, then nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, Missy Wednesday! Blinky can gets yous Coca Cola!"

Coca Cola? Wasn't that a soda or something? Shrugging, Wednesday nodded. "Hurry!"

Blinky disappeared, and then reappeared with a clear plastic bottle of a dark, bubbly liquid. "Here is Coca Cola, Missy Wednesday!"

Wednesday thanked the creature and unscrewed the cap. Oh, Hell it was gross! She made a face, but downed the rest of it, feeling very hyper all of a sudden. Grinning madly, even for an Addams, Wednesday _bounced_ from her seat and began searching through the shelves at a mad pace, looking for something that could be of use to her.

She cought sight of Harry with Auntie Irma by a cart of books, helping her magic them onto the shelves. "Harry! Auntie!" she squeeled, rushing over to the pair. "Hihihihihihi! I'm in a good mood, are you in a good mood? I'm going to make electronics work around Hogwarts! Do you wanna help? Say you'll want to help! I'm sosososo SO excited! Squeeee!" She began to jump up and down, clutching an open book to her chest, and looking between her two relatives.

Harry and Auntie Irma looked at one another in shock, and then at Wednesday.

"Uhhmmm… I'll go get Grandmama," Harry muttered loudly, then sidestepped the two females and made a mad dash from the library.

Irma Pince looked at Wednesday in a 'what bug are you?' manner, and asked in a gentle, soothingf voice generally used when calming a mad animal, "Now, Wednesday, love, how about I help you find something to help you make electronics work here? Maybe in the Restricted Section? Or we can talk to a few some House Elves?"

Wednesday, who was still hopping and jumping about, nodded enthusiastically and bunny-hopped over to the empty study tables, singing 'White Horses' by All About Eve aat the top of her voice. The librarian held her head in her right palm and shook it, wondering what had caused her little niece to finally snap.

When Harry came back to the Library, being drug by the wrist by Grandmama after tripping somewhere between the third and fifth floors, he nearly fainted from shock. Wednesday, _his sister_ Wednesday, had three House Elves sitting in chairs, and was leaning down to look them in the eye and interrogating them on the magic of Hogwarts. Now, this would not be so surprising, but Wednesday was was smilig sweetly, and looked like a . . . _normal._ She was giggling, and chattering, and humming as she interrogated and questioned and received the answers to her queries. If looks were anything to go by, Harry assumed that even the Elves could tell that Wednesday had gone unreservedly _bonkers._

"Wednesday?" he called in query across the twenty or so feet separating them.

Wednesday looked up and smiled like a fan girl. "HARRY! ! I'm as,kinhg the House Elves _everything_ about Hogwarts and it's magic, and then I'm going to use that and what I know about electronics and maybe I can make a spell or I - "

Harry let her continue to rant, and muttered to Grandmama, "What is wrong with her?"

Grandmama scrutinised the girl for a brief moment then muttered, "Allergies." Louder, she asked, "Wednesday, sweet, I was hoping for a new drink, or snack, I'd like a change, you see, but I can't think of anything. Have you tried anything new lately?"

Wednesday stopped her hopping and popping about for a second, and thought, clutching her chin, complete with Sherlock Holmes-like expression. Then she brightened and clapped her hands and jumped up and down again. "Yesyesyesyesyes! I _did_ Grandmama! I had Coca Cola! It's the most wonderful, yummy, bubbly-"

"Oh, shoot!" Grandmama muttered to herself. "Allergic magical reaction to the preservatives. Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot. Wednesday," she called louder, "I have some Coca Cola with me, would you like some?"

Wednesday went completely still, then _zoomed_ over to Harry and Grandmama, eyes wide in anticipation. Grandmama barely had time to mouth 'book!' to Harry before Wednesday reached them. Harry did the only thing he could think of; he grabbed a heavy book and he hit his sister in the back of the head with it. She fell like a sack of potatoes. Grandmama looked surprised.

"I honestly didn't think that that would work."

When Wednesday Friday Addams woke up in the Hogwarts Hospital Wing, she remembered exactly what had happened, not that she cared. "That's it!" she cried out, mostly to herself, before she raced from the room, wand out and off to do who knew what. The House Elf set to watch over the Hospital Wing shook hisw head in bewilderment.

"The Heady-master be's rubbing off on Hoggywart students too's much."

**Royslady51: Thank you for your review, I hadn't even realised that my chapters were getting shorter! I'll try and remedy it as much as possible. My poor keyboard…**

**Thank you everyone that reviewed, and I hope you keep on reading, I've never had people really **_**like**_** my stories before (Twin sisters don't count, they say yes, as do family, to make you shut up so they can get back to their reading. *Looks pointedly at Clouds.*) and it means a lot to me.**

**Mercy.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Pre-AN/AR: Since my twin TOLD me not to… Hi CLOUDSIE!**

**And now on with our somewhat-regularly scheduled fic-reading.**

" - knowing what it was, and now it just goes on and on and on and on because...

"This is the song that doesn't end, it just goes on and on my friend,

Somebody started singing it not knowing what it was, and now it just goes on and on and on and on because...

"This is the song that doesn't end, it just goes on and on my friend,

Somebody started singing it not knowing what it was, and now it just goes on and on and on and on because…"

Various people around the Great Hall were glaring at one another, trying to figure out who had made absolutely everyone in the Hall stuck to their seats, unable to move, other than their jaws to sing this damn song!

Grandmama smirked to herself, and waved her hand.

There was the smell of smoke and burning hair as everyone was electrocuted. Pity she had to use such a low voltage to avoid any deaths. People got so _riled_ over them . . .

The twins, Hannah, Susan, and Neville were sitting in the Hufflepuff Basement, talking about books. Susan, it soon became apparent, loved the things with a passion, though she preffered fiction to drier texts of fact.

"What?" she asked Harry, who's head was cocked to the side as he scrutinised her.

He brightened, and then ran to his and Neville's shared room. They had heard tell that some of the other Houses, if not all of them, shared one entire room for all of the students in a year and of one gender, but they weren't certain, as Cousin Severus's surveillance system didn't view Gryffindor or Ravenclaw dorms, nor their own. The Slytherin dorm camera's were locked up somewhere in the dungeons, and the twins hadn't been able to find them yet, if they could even get to them.

Cousin Sev _was_ rather clever, after all.

The groups various musings were broken, however, when Harry appeared again, grinning wildly and holding up a boxed book set. "The Lord of the Rings," he said, holding it up for them to see. "J. R. R. Tolkein was a genius. The only Muggle to ever learn about the actual History of the Magical Realm."

"Don't you mean Wizarding World?" Hannah asked perplexedly.

Harry shook his his head vehemently. "No, the Magical Realm. Not just Wizards, but all of magic. Out Cousin Curdle is a Hobbit, and Cousins Bleep and Blop and Imar are elves."

"Imar?" Susan muttered to Wednesday.

"Triplets," she whispered back.

"Anyway," Harry said, holding the set out to Susan, "They're written like fiction, and great to read. There're movies, too, so once Wends gets electronics to work here, we can have you watch them, too."

Susan smiled and blushed prettily. "Thank you, Harcourt… Harry."

As Harry say down next to her, she kissed him quickly on the cheek.

Harry put tomatoes to shame blushing.

Wednesday liked walking on the grounds.

"Hey 'Ville?" she asked softly.

Neville turned from the water plant he had been fiddling with as they sat by the Lake. "Yeah, Wednesday?"

She shook her head. "Never mind."

He shrugged. "Alright, then."

It was quiet for a few moments, until Neville spoke up again. "Hey, Wednesday?"

"Yeah, 'Ville?"

"Why d'you call me that?"

"Call you what?"

" ''Ville', Everyone else just calls me Neville, or Nev. But not you…"

Wednesday looked at him, puzzled. "Well . . . " she said slowly, stretching out the word, "I suppose that I just think . . . Normal's overrated, isn't it?"

Neville thought about this for a moment, then nodded, slowly. "Yeah," he said, "I suppose it is."

The school was confusingly nervous that week. The Addams twins hadn't a clue why, but their m friends said that the whole 'getting electrocuted at breakfast' thing had put everyone on edge.

The twins decided that this was a very good time to play a prank.

In Transfiguration, they were turning bunny rabbits into slippers. Wednesday did the switching spell to replace the cushion on McGonagall's chair with a whoopee cushion spelled to look like it by Auntie Irma while McGonagall lectured them about how to perform the spell correctly. Just before the teacher sat down, Harry walked up to her with his hand out, pointing his index finger at her. He grinned cheekily and said in a chipper voice that personally made him want to puke, "Pull my finger."

McGonagall looked down her nose at him, with her eyebrows raised, and her lips thin. Her nostrils weren't white yet, though . . . Harry's grin broadened when McGonagall said stiffly, "I think _not_ Mr. Potter."

Harry gave her a confused look. "Mr. Potter isn't asking you, Professor, I am. Mr. _Addams._" McGonagall squinted at him, but didn't 'correct' him. Instead she just adjusted her rectangle glasses and said in a sterner tone,

"Regardless, I _will not_ be pulling your finger. Now go take your seat."

Harry smiled mildly and went back to his seat, never turning his back on her, and still resisting his urge to vomit.

There came the sound of someone passing gas from the front of the classroom, mere moments after he had sat down.

McGonagall jumped up, "ADDAMS!"

Wednesday looked up, "Yes, Professor McGonagall?"

"Not you, your brother!" the elderly witch snapped.

Wednesday looked befuddled. "But I thought that he was Mr. Potter?"

McGonagall's nostrils turned white. Finally!

"Potter!"

Harry ignored her.

"Mr Potter! Raise your head this instant!"

Harry raised his head. "Me? I thought I was Mr. Addams? Oh, maybe we could call me by the name I was sorted under, Addams-Potter?"

McGonagall didn't comment on that. "What did spell you cast on to my seat, you insolent boy!"

"What do you mean, Professor? I didn't cast any charm."

"You told me to pull your finger! It was you and your sister!"

Harry blinked owlishly at her. "Professor McGonagall, you can even check mine and Wednesday's wands, we didn't cast any spell."

McGonagall gave him a glare and did check their wands, as well as the chair for any charms placed on it. There were none. McGonagall made closed-mouth shrieking sound and stormed from the room.

The moment the door slammed shut, the classroom broke into laughter.

**AN/AR: Sorry if Minnie is a bit OOC, I think nearly half a year with the twins must had addled her a BIT.**

**I apologise for any fluffiness, but I want to post more, but I'm re-reading Philosopher's / Sorcerers' Stone, to make sure I'm being accurate. Oh, did anyone else find out that 'Summer' was synonymous with 'Complete and utter lack of anything loosely resembling a basic sleep schedule?'**

**Mercy.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Pre-AN/AR: Did anyone/body get the drowning in tapioca pudding reference? I'll give ya a l'il hint: A Sarcastic Git's Golden Rules at Hogwarts by Twisted Biscuit, chapter five.**

Albus Dumbledore was a rather grumpy man. He hadn't expected his having Minerva punish the Twins by making them stay at the school over the holidays to work. Oh, no, not to any extent whatsoever. He had merely wished to send the Addamses a message that the green-eyes children would not be theirs forever. They were relatively young; eleven, that was all. Quite easily swayed, he was completely certain.

Especially toward him, Albus Dumbledore.

He wasn't being proud, oh, no, not at all. But he was powerful, and the Wizarding World was in awe of him. He knew this, and he knew this well. People older than he were in awe of him, so what reason could there be for two impressionable young minds not to be, after all? But if the rise in non-Weasley Twin related pranks was an indicator, the Addams Twins were far more loyal to their Family, than he had originally thought… Now how to correct that?

Young Harry must defeat Voldemort, after all. It was the only way. And to do that, he must be a martyr. But the boy was too connected to his life! He had too many relations at Hogwarts… He could fire the grandmother… No, then she'd take away his saviour. Hmm…

Albus Dumbledore self-satisfiedly popped a lemon drop into his mouth, smugness scrawled about his features. The girl. Yes, little Wednesday would be key. He would… cause the Addamses to believe that the girl was dead… because of Harry, yes, that would do.

Let's see, Severus was having the First Years test the Creature Ancestry Potion in two weeks' time, so… Harry would be so shocked that he would kill Wednesday in a fit of fearful accidental magic. He would be crestfallen, the Addamses would positively loathe him, and students would fear him. Perfect. He would be able to have two of his loyal students, a pair of Hufflepuffs. Ernie MacMillan, and… No, Susan Bones wouldn't do… Had the girl grown up with her parents, perhaps. But the girl had grown up with Amelia Bones, and the woman was as, if not more so, paranoid than Alastar. And worse, the wench didn't trust anyone with anything to do with poitics, and she especially didn't trust him, Albus Dumbledore. Cadwaller! Yes, the burly lad would do well. He was in the year about little Harry, and his family were unswervingly loyal; to him, Albus Dumbledore. Harry would look to the boy for help with his studies, lady friend troubles… all while reporting back to him, Albus Dumbleore.

And then… he would welcome Harry into his home, and he would re-educate the boy. Wednesday would be re-educated as well, and would take the place of… his granddaughter. Yes, perfect. His adopted granddaughter. He would alter her looks ever so slightly, just enough that she would look shockingly like herself, but still not. Young Harry would do anything to hold onto his beloved sister, even if it 'wasn't' her. Then, he, Albus Dumbledore, would form a marriage contract between the two, and thus become Young Harry's guardian, and the Addams would have no chance whatsoever to reclaim him.

Harry would be utterly loyal to the Light, and to him, Albus Dumbledore. The boy would martyr himself, after marrying Wednesday - she would need a new name, wouldn't she? - and her being with child. The Potter line would continue, with him firmly controlling it.

After all, the chance to both rid the world of Tom Riddle and Harry Potter - the two biggest threats to him - at once, as well as to be in control of one of the wealthiest families in all of Wizarding Europe was far too perfect to let pass. Of course, confirming whether or not the Potter Vaults truly DID have a Philosopher's Stone was a pleasant benefit, as well.

He would need to make the Addamses' more . . . Docile, though, wouldn't he?

He, Albus Dumbledore, no, the GREAT Albus Dumbledore stroked his beard, being rather pleased with himself.

######################################################################################################

Hannah studied their Headmaster curiously. "You know," she murmured to her four friends, "When Professor Dumbledore's eyes keep on twinkling like that, it makes me want to frown him in tapioca pudding."

######################################################################################################

It was Wednesday's birthday, but she didn't really expect anyone to make much of a fuss about it.

She must have been severely muddled.

When she woke up that morning, no-one was in her dorm room. She raised an eyebrow, but shrugged and made her way to her trunk to find some hopefully matching socks.

No such luck. Crap.

Wednesday finished dressing herself in somewhat warm clothing and stepped down the stairs.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WEDNESDAY!"

Ow. Her ears hurt. Wednesday looked about the room, and, annoyed though she may be that her ears hurt (And whoever plotted the shouting would be lynched. Or at least shoved in the dark dungeons where the only sound was the drip, drip, dripping of leaky pipes, with no light. Even the persons own voice would not be heard. They would wander for days, until they were smart enough to call for a house elf or something.) Wednesday couldn't help but smile a little wee bit at the whole of Hufflepuff house holding up a giant banner and singing 'Happy Birthday' to her, complete with a white and black iced marble cake in the shape of a human skull, and a half-melted candle stuck on the top of it.

"Aww…" she murmured. Harry, Neville, Hannah, and Susan stepped forward from the group and dragged with them a large black box with a thick, somehow darker black, bow wrapped around it.

"Hope ya like it, sis," Harry muttered sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

Grinning now, Wednesday pulled the bow.

The box opened, the sides falling flat to reveal a baby Cerberus. "Oh!" Wednesday whispered in shock. A real Greek Cerberus, he even had the serpent tail! She threw her arms around her friends and declared happily, "Call him Ishmael!"

Everyone that was familiar with Moby Dick laughed.

Ishmael barked happily.

######################################################################################################

"Harcourt?"

"Hmm?" Harry asked, looking up from his Salem text. "What is it, Wednesday?"

Wednesday thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Meh, never mind."

Harry just shrugged and went back to his book.

"Harry."

Harry rolled his eyes and looked up from his book. Dracom their little pet. "Yeah, Draconious?"

Draco visibly flinched a little at the use of his full first name. "Why're you and your sister always reading those books?" hew asked, nodding to the textbooks Harry and Wednesday were currently studying.

Harry glanced at them, them said monotonously, "Salem studies."

"Salem studies?"

Harry saw Wednesday's ees take on a cruel glint as she looked up and said in an air of utmost authority, "Beg your pardon, Scion Malfoy, but, pray do tell, what reason is there to leave myself out of a conversation concerning me?"

Draco stammered a bit, "Uhm, er, n-nothing, nothing at all, I just thought that you looked… busy." He finished lamely.

Wednesday eyed him for a moment, her features cold. Thewn she nodded. "You wear to much hair gel. Dismissed, Scion."

After the boy left, Harry passed a note to Wednesday. She opened it, only to find that the parchment - rather like the stationary more commonly associated with funeral notices than schoolchildren - had but a few choice words. Or, rather, One.

Daedalus?

Wednesday nodded to him, and they closed their books. The crown prank just must be played, after all.

Now who to be the victim?


	26. Chapter 26

**Pre-AN/AR: Royslady51: I honestly hadn't noticed! Teaches me to not proof read… *mutters to self broodingly about evil ffnet.* And prank ideas? I'd love them. I'm not a prankster. At all. I can imagine funny things to pull on people, but PLAUSIBLE things to pull on people? *whistles innocently.* Goose Eggs there. **

"Hem, Hem.

"Now, perhaps some of you may have been wondering just how the great, good, and all-around-and-a-bouts righteous paragon of all that is Light could be so cynical, sadistic, cruel, and generally… _mean._

"Now, this is a perfectly valid question, that, as such-and-such, deserves a perfectly validly suitable answer.

"….

"Oh! You're actually wanting that answer? Well, I suppose it couldn't hurt. You are only the Reader after all. You see, there are many, many, many, _many_ different dimensions, realms, existences, etcetera, all in out little universe. Shockling, right, I know? Not really? I expected as much.

"You see, the 'canon' dimension, created, sold, published, yadda yadda, by J.K. Rowling, was the essential 'Classic Heroe' version of the realm. In this one, wel, I can't tell you if the Heroe wins or not, can I? Humnph… Where was I? Ah, yes, thank you, Cloudsie. Oh, sorry, Mercy. You are twins after all, don't castrate me! And stop the death glares!

"Hem, _Hem,_

"Any way, In this universe, rather than Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore becoming humbled and… let us face it: having a low self worth to rival Harry's own, this version of Dumbledore, - for it is the same man, after all, but with critical choices and actiopns being ever so slightly altered, different - this Dumbledore, he chose to be better. He still didn't trust himself with power. Much. But he chose a different course of action. Our dear Albus instead chose to become better, eventually leading him to believe that he was bettering himself. Then came the thought, unbidden, that he could be even better. He worked at it, and then came the next unbidden thought: he already _was_. Already was better. And then came a certain… power-loving aspect to his nature? After all, power was and is every incarnation of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore's real weakness.

"This power-loving aspect was Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore's Fatal Flaw, and acted as such. Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore began to think himself above others, better. Soon it came to pass that he was a Grand Chess Master with the lives of the Wizarding World. He was, after all, the GREAT Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. He thought he was better, and controlled people's lives. Now, a part of im, the part of him that made the choice that eventually led to all of this, knew it was wrong, and cried out against it, but the larger, now more arrogant part of him was quite adept at muting it's better half. The Choices made by this Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore led him to fear an end of his reign. So, when he met the obviously brilliant young Tom Riddle, he regarded him as a threat, and treated him coldly. That is what, in this universe, made the would-have-been-Good young Parselmouth turn Dark.

"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore's fear for his reign were only furthered by this, so, when there came along a prophecy about a boy being able to defeat the Dark Lord, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore jumed, nay, leaped at the chance to control this weapon. Now, as I know from certain irritating persons in my life, Chess Masters simply loathe to have their perfect plans ruined, or an any way not exactly as they wished them. Small infractions were manageable, but a completely different boy? Oh, no. No, this would not do at all. At all. Harcourt Addams would be far too hard to manipulte correctly. Thus, as such a powerful child, to make him be subservient to him, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, and the Light, led by him, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, more plans just simply must be made!

"Now, while it is realised that some of you may not like this, you are being ignored in favour of continuing on with this story. Good day to you."

.

Wednesday shot Harry a sidelong glance. "Was that an Oompa Loompa stepping down from a soap box?"

"Really? Was it? I thought it was an orange crate."

Wednesday just shrugged and went back to 'The Joys of Thumbscrews: Volume XXXVI Edition XXVII WARNING: Master's Use ONLY.'

.

Susan glared at Wednesday. Bloody effing Morning People.

Harry noticed her glare, and who it was directed at and leaned down to whisper in her ear as he got up from the breakfast table, "A.) Work on your glares, Suz, and B.) The only way to deal with Morning Peoople is a Silencing Charm. I do not suggest casting one on Wednesday."

"_Why?_"

Harry gave her a blank, and completely and utterly serious look. "Because, Wednesday is a lucky duck that is magically indifferent to any hexes, curses, charms, transfigurations, etcetera, that her core doesn't recognise as being cast by her, and feels threatened, or just irritated, by. It's an Addams Family trait, but it's magnified over tenfold in her. Pugsley has a variation of the talent, but it's more geared toward electricity than anything else. Fire, too. Of course, it could just be a side-effect of all the time he spends in the electric chair, and blowing things up with Uncle Feser. Anywho... If anything, she'll get louder, just to annoy you. Makes ya feel special, doesn't it?"

Susan blinked. Then she muttered, putting her head in her folded arms on the table, "You Addamses' get all the bloody luck."

Harry grinned cheekily at her, then tapped his perky (for Wednesday in a non-Cola way) sister on the shoulder. She looked up from her chattering with Neville. "Sis, do you want to keep on researching, or should I do it on my own now, sniff, sniff?" He wiped away a fake tear, looking between her and Neville, who blushed a funny red colour.s

Wednesday rolled her eyes. "As _if_, little brother. You'd ruin everything."

"And have fun doing it!"

"You're insufferable," she bemoaned as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Bye 'Ville, bye Susan, bye Hannah!"

As they made their way to the Library, Ishmael trailing behind them, Harry muttered just loud enough for his twin to hear, "So you and Neville, huh? Ooh, mwa-mwa-mwa!"

Wednesday glared at him. "Shut it, scar face. I know a certain red head that you fancy." When Harry's smirk didn't vanish, Wednesday just rolled her eyes. Then stamped on his foot, flipped him over her shoulder, brushed off her skirt, and walked to the Library as if nothing had happened.

Thank Auntie Ophelia for those judo lessons.

.

Harry, Wednesday, Neville, Susan, and Hannah watched the surveillance ainting screen as the Slytherib they had hired short sheeted Draco Malfoy's bed, and put peree'd poison ivy in the crease. Now just to wait fot the little Prince himself to go to sleep.

.

Draco wasn't at lunch. Or breakfast. Or dinner. Or in classes. Whyever not?

.

"Ishmael! Come. Ishmael! BAD DOGGY!" Neville yelled as he ran after the dog. Wednesday had asked him to bathe the bloody beast, and in the middle of the bath it just ran off. When Neville finally caught up with Ishmael, he was clawing to the door of the third floor corridor. "Oh no," Neville said, "oh no. No way. Come on, doggie. I am _not_ opening that door."

He grabbed the little Cerberus by the collar and started walking him away.

There was the sound of a door creaking open.

Ishmael twisted from Neville's grasp and made for the forbidden corridor. Neville followed to get him, and then backed slowly away from the door.

"WEEEEDNESSSSSDAAAAAAAY!" He hollered through the halls.

There were two Cerberus' at Hogwarts.

**You didn't expect Quirell to not get punished, did you? Silly man, working for Voldemort. The Addamses will go after him, heh, heh, heehhh...**

**Mercy.**


	27. Chapter 27

"What is it, 'Ville?"

Neville held up one finger, panting a little after running across the castle to the Seventh Floor corridor that Harry and Wednesday were usually found in. "Cer-Cerb-Cerberus. There's another Cerberus in the castle!"

Wednesday's eyebrows reached her hairline. "How big is it? Is Ishmael still with it? Where is it?" Before Neville could answer, she smacked her own forehead. "Of course! The Third Floor Corridor! Well, at least we know Wednesday's safe…"

"H-How do you know that?"

Wednesday gave him A Look. "They're Cerberus's, some of the most loyal dogs in the Magical Realm. They never hurt their own kind, unless attacked, of course."

Neville couldn't surprised that Wednesday knew this. "You know what? I don't want to know. Wends, how about we go back to the Basement? It's nearly Curfew."

Wednesday shrugged and followed him to the Hufflepuff Basement.

.

The next morning, Dumbledore made an announcement at breakfast. Draco was still missing, but that wasn't the big news. Well, technically it was part of it...

"Students! It has come to my attention that one of out students has come down with a horrible rash. We cannot tell if this is contagious, so at Madame Pomphery's request, all student's are to stay in their Common Rooms, and classes will be cancelled if the situation has not been cleared up by Monday."

Wednesday smirked a little bit. "I didn't expect them to cancel classes… Hey, 'Ville, Susan, Hannah, do you know anything about Muggle or foreign ailments? Like plant allergies?"

"Nope," the aforementioned three said as one.

"Does the average Healer?" Harry asked. The Addams never seemed to need Healer's, for some odd reason, so he wondered what they were like, in reality.

"Nope."

"Huh. Wends, did you get the mp3 player to work yet?"

Wednesday shook her head. "Nearly, though. I'm going to try and to run it off of magic instead of electricity. It's a bit of a pain, but Edgar and Pugsley had some great ideas in their last letters."

Harry nodded. "Common Room, then?"

Hannah snorted. "You two? Following rules? Oh, I'm dying."

"Congratulations, Susan! Have you planned the funeral yet?"

Hannah glared.

Harry shrugged, "Really, though, I was thinking that maybe exploring the Forbidden Forest would be fun. There are rumours of an Acromantula nest there, so maybe Homer could have a family reunion."

The Addams twins seemed to be oblivious to their friends' shudders as Wednesday agreed enthusiastically.

.

The Forbidden Forest was dark, but Homer navigated it easily, with the Addamses' following closely behind.

"_This way, Wendy Harry Twins!_" The gleeful spider clickingly said.

"Yeah, this way, Wendy," Harry said smiling at her.

Wednesday punched his arm. "Shove it, you. Only Homer caan call me Wendy."

"Of course she can."

"Why you annoying little scullion, you're the m-"

"_This it be, Wendy Harry Twins!_"

Indeed, it was, there were spiders all about, eying them, but letting them pass with Homer between them. They were led in to a large, dome-shaped web, with a giant spider in front of it.

"_Who…_" It clicked, "_Are you?_"

Homer scuttled forward, "_Head of the Spiders Here, I am Homer, the Half-Breed. These are my pets. We wished to know if the human's words were true!_"

The large spider gazed at the three for a moment, then asked quietly, "_And I am Aragog. But why, little sister, should I and my family not eat you? After all, it is not often that warm human flesh roams so freely into our forest._"

Homer clicked angrily. "_No! My pets! They raised me from before my hatching! You will not harm them-_" Here Homer said some rather… _rude_… words, causing Aragog the Acromantula to laugh.

"_Then eaten they will not be, little sister. I myself was raised from before my hatching by a man. Hagrid and your pets will not be harmed by myself or my kin._"

The Addamses' ended up spending a very enjoyable day with the Acromantulas, and learned from Aragog that they were to beware the Serpent King that had lived in this castle since before Aragog's memory began. He was somewhat… wary was a polite, if highly inaccurate, term… when he found out that Harry was a natural Parselmouth and had taught both Homer and Wednesday the snake's language.

Of course, he forgot all about that around an hour later when he requested that Homer, at least, teach him and his family Parseltongue. Know thy enemy and ye shant be stabbed in the back as quickly and all of that.

Later, on their way back up to the castle, Harry asked his sister, "So, d'you want to find the Chamber?"

"Maybe later. I'd rather be listening to good music," Wednesday shrugged.

Harry couldn't really argue with her.

.

Once back inside their common room, it soon became apparent that the entire school was in a panic over the spreading of the 'mystery rash.' Their friends weren't stupid by any means, and knew that the twins had paid someone to short-sheet Draco's bed, if they hadn't done it themselves. Looking at the short-sheeting kits, tucked into the extra blanket (so good for hiding the creases left on the comforter by the short sheeted sheet.) they had found the vial of pureed poison ivy. Draco was missing, presumably in the Hospital Wing, and there was a rash that may or may not be contagious affecting one of their own… Even an idiots should have been able to figure it out, if they thought about it. Figuring out that that was the cause of the rash, the three friends had… had a heck of a lot of fun getting their own revenge on certain people.

Filch, Anthony Goldstein, Mrs. Norris, and Cousin Severus were all in the Hospital Wing with Draco.

Oh, the joys of childhood revenge.

**AN/AR: While the cancellation of classes may seem a rather… unrealistic… measure, my logic is thus: Wizards, as a whole, believe themselves to be very clever. So, when confronted by something that they cannot fix with a wave of a wand and some funny words, or a potion, or whatever, they panic. So, from their perspective, there is an unknown disease that they cannot cure in their school, and they don't know if it's contagious yet. If this were the case in a normal boarding school, would this seem as harsh, or unusual? I don't think so.**

**AN/AR2: If the crease left on the comforter isn't realistic to you: I have helped someone short sheet a bed all of once. My cabin mate actually had a kit with various things in it like sheets to hide wrinkles left from folding over the sheets to short sheet them, fabric softener for God knows what reason, etcetera, and that's what I'm basing these kits off of. When we short sheeted the bed, it left a crease, and we had to redo it to make it look like it wasn't disturbed. Now, the Hogwarts comforters, I imagine, are a nit thivker, rendering the extra sheet unnecessary, but it's always good to have a back-up, eh?**

**If you think that their leaving the pureed poison ivy in the kit is silly: Addamses or no, the twins are eleven. And yes annoyingly snakier than I am reviewer in my head, I am looking at you.**

**Mercy. (Who said I'm bonkers? I'm certifiably insane, if you must know!)**


	28. Chapter 28

Draco Malfoy was decidedly unhappy.

He, his Godfather, a Hufflepuff, the caretaker, and a cat were all being locked up in a separate room of the Hospital Wing from everyone else, all because of some stupid rash. Madame Pomphery had even Silenced his Uncle Sev because the man wouldn't stop trying to tell her to do her job or something. Draco looked at his itchy finger. Madame Pomphery had said to ignore the rash, but… meh. And now his eye was itchy and dry. He was a Malfoy, for the love of Salazar! Giving up, Draco rubbed his eye with his itchy hand and rolled over, trying to get some sleep.

A few minutes later, Draco sat up, rubbing at his burning eye. OwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOw!

.

That Monday, the Heads of House came into the Common Rooms, as they had for the past some few days for breakfast, and announced that classes were cancelled, and that they were owling everyone's parents, and that they may or may not be coming to take the students home. Everyone was worried, as Cho Chang, an annoying Ravenclaw that had called Neville a fat idiot squib in Wednesday's hearing range, Cormac McLaggen, Percy Weasley, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, Lavender Brown, the Patil twins, and Professor Trawlaney, the Divination instructor, were all in the Hospital Wing.

The Weasley twins had sent them chocolates, and snuck into the Hufflepuff Basement via secret passageway to give them to the five friends.

Once Professor Sprout had left, the students all stepped forward to grab their plates and go sit. "Peanut butter and pickle sandwich with sugared grits," Wednesday ordered the plate. She gave a self-satisfied smirk when the food appeared. More than one other Hufflepuff gagged.

"Chocolate syrup with chilli and scrambled eggs," Harry ordered. He looked at his friends, "Why don't you try this, it's really good?"

Neville, Susan, and Hannah looked at one another. Neville and Susan pushed Hannah forward. The blonde glared at her friends, but took a bite of the odd food combinations that Wednesday had ordered. "Mmm, that, that's really good, Harry, Wends. What d'you suggest I get for me?" she asked, swallowing the food.

"I think that you'd like cottage cheese milkshake and mangoes with hot sauce," Wednesday answered her.

Nodding, Hannah ordered and tried that. She turned to Neville and Susan. "You two. Are trying this. NOW."

.

By Wednesday, the castle was nigh on empty. There were a few people left in each year, but really, only about twenty people, not including those quarantined or the teachers. They could roam the castle now, so the Twins - both Weasley and Addams - all got together and started exploring. "Harry, Wednesday!" Fred called. "Look at-"

"-What we-"

"-found inside-"

"-this door!"

Looking between the twins, Wednesday asked in a monotone, "What, a broom closet?"

They shook their head vehemently, "No! A library filled with pranks! Look!"

Wednesday gave them a Look, and grabbed the door handle. It'd be better if it had something on making electronics work around here…

"Hey! It changed!"

"What?" Harry asked George.

"It changed!" the older aforementioned red-head exclaimed. "Before it was filled with pranks, and stuff flying across the ceiling and now-"

"-And now," Wednesday interrupted, "It's the perfect library to make my electronics work around here!" She grinned, the kind of grin that she usually reserved for the Christmas Wassail and Carolling, and dashed forward, picked out a book at random, and started going through it happily.

Harry looked at the twins. "Something tells me that we're gonna have a lot of fun in here," he stated simply, before the three boys all dashed around to look through all of the books, somehow always ending up with exactly what they wanted, even if they didn't know that they wanted it yet.

There were books on everything, from fiction, to medieval torture, to pranks, to strategy, to potions, to everything. Harry was reading a history book a few hours later about the Chamber of Secrets when he thought to himself, _What IS the monster, anyway?_ "OW!" Harry glared at the model of a Basilisk that had fallen onto his legs. Figures Salazar would end up having one as a familiar.

"Hey, Wends, Weasleys," he called out, getting up. He brought the model over to where the twins were plotting, Wednesday a few tables away. "Look at this."

"What is it?" The Weasleys asked together.

"A basilisk? Harry, what is that for?"

Harry looked at his twin, "I was reading up on the Chamber of Secrets, and wondered what the monster was. This thing fell on me, so I'm guessing that the monster is one."

Wednesday's eyes got big in excitement. "Eh, not to sound like Ickle Ronnikins, but, what's a Basilisk?"

"Ancient snake, eyes are always deadly to look into after first century, unless you're a Parselmouth, in some breeds, the males will have poisonous breath on par with a Nundu," Wednesday answered, not even missing a beat. "Their venom is the most deadly on Earth, only able to be cured by Phoenix tears. It can destroy Horcruxes." At the twins yet again baffled looks, she added, "Bits of a witch or wizards soul stuck into objects in order to achieve quote, 'immortality' unquote."

Harry picked up, putting his obsession with soul magic when he was seven to good use. "Horcruxes are among the darkest magic in the Realms. One must murder another person for each Horcrux they make, as murdering in cold blood split's the soul. The object can be anything, even another living thing. I used to be a Horcrux."

Fred and George's jaws both dropped. "What do you mean you were a Horcrux?" They asked together, shocked.

"Voldemort tried to kill me. His soul was unstable enough - Mama thinks it's from having made to many Horcruxes already, after three or four, your soul is really unstable - that when his Killing Curse backfired, it split his soul, and the split piece latched onto the closest thing to it, other than a falling house, which was me. We paid some goblin Curse Specialists to move it into a book when I was eight, and now we usually end up torturing it Sundays after church. It's actually a lot of fun to make it think that we trust it, and then ripping out a page, or crumpling it., or burning it a little."

The twins just stared at them. Harry shrugged and went back to his book.

.

Albus Dumbledore was not a happy man.

Some strange disease had caused his students to go home, and the Board of Governors were amgry with him, and Severus wouldn't be demonstrating the Creature Ancestry Potion!

Oh… Albus Dumbledore patted himself on the back - figuratively speaking, that is - for such a clever idea/ He would gather up the students for a potions class under the guise of wanting them to learn while they were still at school. Yes, and then the students would be afraid of the Addamses, and he could set out his plan! And maybe he could figure out who had started this sickness….

.

Wednesday and Harry were suspicious of their 'good Headmaster' as they took notes on Creature Ancestry Potion and it's effects, etcetera. Too bad he wasn't telling them how to make it…"Ah, Miss Addams, would you like to demonstrate the potions effects?"

Wednesday shook her head. "No thank you, Headmaster."

"I'm afraid I must insist, Miss Addams. Now, please come up here, yes that's it, and swallow the potion in the vial."

Eyeing the teacher warily, Wednesday locked eyes with her brother twin, pinched her nose, and swallowed the potion. She felt her body start changing. Well, let's see if she remembered all of them from when she and Harry tried all of the different potions in Grandmama's stock last year…

Dryad, check. Vampire, check. Nagual, check. Ghillie Dhu, check. Ganagh, check. Asrai, check. Alp, check. Aloja, check. Al Basti, check. Centaur, check. Harpy, check. Onocentaur, check. Siren, check. Amphisbaena, she didn't remember that one. Check. The class was staring at her in dumb shock. "Headmaster Dumbleybore? Can I choose the next student to demonstrate?" Stupid old man, tryinhg to make an example of her…

"Of course, my dear girl, you may-"

"Not your girl. Harcourt, your turn."

Harry smirked at the Headmaster as he tried the potion. The Potters had a few different creatures in their blood in the last few generations than the Addamses' did. After going through the same ones that Wednesday had gone through, Harry went on to the Potter half of his blood. Lovely things, magical adoptions. He shifted into a Banshee, a Fairy, a Demon, an Eachy, an Eleionomae, a Pane, and a class was staring at the both of them. Harry shrugged, stepped down from the raised bit of floor, and helped Wednesday down. People were so_ weird._

**AN/AR: I thought that the creature blood bit was funny, plus might explain why the Addamses' were a bit odder than other people. And as to the creature blood in the Potter line, it could either explain why Muggleborns are magical, as well as why any wizard is, or it could just be a funny bit. Your choice, but for me it's the former.**


	29. Chapter 29

The next day, the twenty-odd-some students that had stayed at the castle, other than the twins, were all giving Harry and Wednesday wide berth. They all seemed to be oddly afraid of them now, well, more wary than before at least. A few Ravenclaws were always staring at them, though, and it really was annoying. The two ended up playing freeze tag in the dungeons, and accidentally froze Cousin Severus.

"_What,_" he snarled, "are you two _doing?_"

Wednesday cocked her head to the side, a gesture that was continually irritating to the Potions-lover, as she and Harry knew quite well. She straightened her head, and fixed him with an earnest, innocent look. "Oh, Cousin Sev! We were just looking for manacles and racks, and bandages and things! You see, some Ravenclaws were being quite nice to us, looking at us like bugs under a microscope, so we decided that we would take them to the deepest, darkest part of the dungeons we could find, wrap them with maggot-infested bandages, splatter the room with blood and gore, then hang them from the ceiling and play Medieval Torture with them!" She smiled happily, as if having just stated that she was . . . Doing something normal, and was normal. _Shudder._

Severus just looked at her, mouth agape, for a short moment, before he then snapped, "Be gone with you! Out of my sight!"

The twins smiled. "Yes, Cousin Severus!" They chorused cheerfully, then they hugged him round the middle and flew off. Well, not quite literally, but still, rather close, if you watched them.

As they left, they heard their dear cousin mutter everything he would do to them if he could get away with it.

Yes, Daedalus was long overdue.

.

Grandmama was snooping in the Headmaster's office. The man was away for the day, some conference with Healers on how to cure Poison Ivy of all things, and she saw it as a perfectly good opportunity. The portraits of past Heads were perfectly happy to help. She skimmed through the parchments, all covered in plans for Harry. She flipped through them. The rest would be in a pensive, according to the notes… It had taken her around four or five minutes to get through all of the warding on the box containing those… so that pensive in the cabinet in plain sight was obviously a decoy. She rummaged around for a bit, then looked out the window. Oh, shoot. It was nearly noon… when was the old berk getting back. Sighing, she asked the phoenix that had been watching her all day, "So, you know where the pensive is?"

She really shouldn't have been surprised at what happened next.

Fawkes the Phoenix hopped off of his perch, sang a few notes, and the rather large round ashtray attached to it filled with a silvery liquid, coming from various dissolving silver trinkets and doodads. Grandmama Addams leaned over it, then grinned at the bird; a rather hideous sight, if kindly. "Thank you very much, Mister Phoenix. You mind if I borrow this?"

The phoenix shook his head and motioned for her to go ahead. Nodding at the bird, she flicked an arm and the perch-pensive disappeared.

.

Grandmama was very, very mad. In both usual senses of the word. She was madder than the hatter, he was her apprentice, after all, and she was angry enough to make the greek gods cower.

She stormed off to get the twins, they had been wanting to try that Daeldalus prank that they had been plotting.

Albus Dumbledore had no chance.

.

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore felt groggy. Where was he, and why did his head hurt? He must have been drinking, yes, that was it. Every fifty year old was entitled to a drink after all, and after killing his once best friend only a few months ago, he figured that he deserved it.

He opened his eyes blearily. What? Why was he hanging upside down? And why was it cold? And why in the name of Merlin was his beard and hair so long? And - _white?_ What was he, Santa Clause?

Albus, or Alb as his brother and sister had called him growing up, would have jumped with a start if he had been able. He was covered in wrinkles like an old man's, had long white hair and beard, his glasses were missing, he was hanging by his toes from an olive tree - were there even olive trees in England? - he was wearing a frilly black tutu and leotard, and other girl's ballet wear, all in black, and his wand was nowhere to be seen.

Crap!

.

Albus wasn't quite sure how he freed himself, but he did, and found his wand a few feet away, near a large puddle of water. If he had to guess, he'd say he was in the forest of Dean. Albus conjured up some basic robes and splashed his face with water. Once the water smoothed out again, he saw that his hair was in two ponytails at the topsides of his head, and his beard was in a tight braid, with sparkling strands woven in. And he was old! Shaking his head, he still must be a bit drunk, Albus turned away from the puddle and smoothed out his robe - hey, that was strange, and not to mention odd. The plain grey robe were mow a deep brownish red and covered in the images of tortoises.

He closed his eyes and opened them again. Nope, still there. He grabbed a branch to steady himself. He must be hallucinating. He fell face first into the dirt. What the- ? In his hand was a branch made of golden butter. Eh?

He did the only logical thing in his mind - he made a Portkey to Hogwarts.

.

Albus was very confused. Again. No matter what he said - about _anything_ - no-one or body believed him! And why was everyone covered in ivy? Everything was turning to golden butter when he touched it, and he was at the end of his rope! Albus went to the washroom and leaned on the sink. This was making to be one hell of a day. He looked in the mirror… and froze.

And why couldn't he stop thinking of the story of Narcissus?

A few hours later, it got very dark, and he couldn't se anymore. He could move! Albus shook his head. He needed to take a nice, looong nap in his room. Hopefully he could make it back to the Transfiguration room and to his quarters before something else strange happened….

.

Grandmama chuckled as she watched Minerva chase the still hallucinating Dumbledore through the castle, hitting him with transfigured anythings. It was quite funny, to tell the truth. She was glad that she was recording it for the children and the Family to watch again later. Wednesday handed her the popped devil's cherries. Honestly, thinking everyone was made - or was it covered with? - ivy...

Minerva transfigured Albus into a pogo stick and started whacking it against a wall.

She knew there was a reason that she liked that woman.

**AN/AR: We-ell, I hope you all liked this one! Next up is Chapter THIRTY! YES! I have never gotten this far in a fic before, ever. Now, the year is almost over for our little twins (there's actually a movie series called The Little Twins, I love it) to wrap everything up. Now, do you lot want them to stay at Hogwarts, and to go through their school years here, or go home and do so, or for me to just end the fic? After this is done, I'm hopefully going to be working on Judida Potter and the Time Traveling Half Blood, and Kilmeny Potter, my other two stories, and finish them up. Please tell me if you want me to continue after first year with this, and where they'll be! Oh, and has anyone guessed the pairings yet?**

**Oh, and the Daedalus prank inspired by Greek Mythology curses. Someone turned to a tortoise, that Seer that no-one or body beleived, etcetera...**

**Mercy.**


	30. Chapter 30

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN! YES! *grins.* Well… yeah I'm putting Wednesday with Neville, I just really like her with him, but Harry's only crushing on Susan, and you've all already met the girl he's being paired with, aerial the way at the start of Hogwarts. And right now, it's storming like the Dickens, and the power's out, thank God I have a laptop, and the only light in my room, is my computer screen, complete with animated background of flickering candles. I feel like an Addams! And I found my favourite poem - the Raven by Edgar Allen Poe - on playlist. com. And I am playing it over an over again. And Cloudsie shall not stop me!**

… **And I think a sparrow or something just flew headfirst at my window. **_**Wooow.**_

**Royslady51: I love the idea of the Addamses' being related to the Munsters, but I'm not sure about Eddie, for some reason I've never been too fond of him… But I really like the idea of all the younger Addams Cousins coming… Eddie, and Edgar and Ellen, and Vendetta… Oh, those poor wizards… Wednesday-ish things? I've always wanted to be in an electric chair! But I do want to continue… aww… Seriously, though, I am happy that you want me to keep on writing.**

*** SORRY! I meant to write a hundred years. Thank you Sakura Lisel for pointing it out to me!**

The castle was in a delightful uproar after everyone found out that Dumbledore didn't remember didn't remember anything from the past one hundred years. More kids were taken home from school, and soon, only the twins, the Charms Apprentice, and a few assorted students. The medi-witches and -wizards were still trying to restore his memory. Grandmama really was quite good at memory charms.

The twins chose to take advantage of the now even emptier castle by playing with the other Cerberus, whom Ishmael was only too happy to lead them to. The lock was really, really easy to pick, and Ishmael was excited.

The door creaked open, and Ishmael slammed past the twins. Once they had gone inside, they saw that the bigger, older Cerberus was plating tag with Ishmael. "How sweet…" Wednesday whispered.

Harry nodded and started walking around. There must be a reason that someone was rude enough to lock a poor puppy in. The little dear didn't even reach the ceiling yet, it couldn't be more than ten years old! "What… Hey, Wednesday! Come over here!"

Wednesday stopped playing fetch with the big Cerberus, who she noticed had a collar marked Fluffy, and looked over at her twin. The dog noticed where Harry was, too, and ran over to him, growling and barking and snarling loudly. Wednesday supposed that it was one of the many advantages to having three heads.

Harry held up his hands to placate the dog. "Whoa, boy, it's okay. Is this what you're guarding?" Wednesday watched as the dog seemed to regard what Harry had said before slowly nodding its middle head. Harry always had been good with animals, especially reptiles. "Are you guarding it for an old man?"

"Bark!"

"Growl!"

"Ruff!"

Somehow Harry made sense of that. He nodded. "Well… I can see your point. But do you mind if we look around a little bit? We won't harm anything, we just want to look."

Fluffy eyed Harry for a moment, then Wednesday, he made some snarling barks.

"Alright," Harry agreed. "Ishmael can stay. Come on Wednesday!"

He opened the trap door and jumped down. Wednesday looked at the ceiling. "You know very well Harcourt darling brother that Emily would never let me live it down if I didn't follow you. Not to mention Vendetta's fiends…" Giving Ishmael a quick kiss on the cheek, she jumped down and landed on something soft. "Eh?" she asked so very eloquently. She crouched down and examined the plant, holding it like a snake. "Oh! You're Devil's Snare! You're related to Cleopatra! Mama's African Strangler!"

There was a muffled, incoherent shouting to her right.

"Harry! This is why Mama doesn't let you play with Cleopatra, and why Ellen never lets you near Berenice and Morella!" She rolled her eyes, and sat down cross-legged and stroked the Devil's Snare. "Come on, Sweetheart, let him go. He isn't very god for you, surely you know that. And in this cold, it would take so long for him to become any sort of good fertiliser." The Devil's Snare squirmed a bit, debating with itself. "I know, lovely. How about, if you let the idiot go, I'll bring you some really good fertiliser by the end of the week. The kind with cat's brains, rotten eggs, gloomy side up, wolf tongue, decade old roast beast… how does that sound?"

There was nothing else for it, to the plant's reasoning. It let Harry go, even going so far as to throw him so that he landed next to Wednesday.

"Thank you, Miss Devil's Snare!"

Harry glared half-heartedly at the plant as they made their way toward a wonderful little hallway with dripping walls. Harry caught some of whatever it was in some conjured vials - who knew what it might be? And, after all, if it was poison… poetic irony was a good thing. The hallway opened up to a ceiling with a high ceiling, filled with flying keys. And broomsticks. Harry raised an eyebrow at his sister. "If they were trying to guard something at all well…"

"… Then they did a horrid, horrid job. Baby Whatt could get through here, so far."

"Want to blow up the door?"

"Sure."

The floor blew up quite nicely, splinters flying about and making keys fall from the sky. They were greeted, once the smoke had cleared away, with a beautifully putrid smell. Then there came a roaring sound. Wednesday walked up to the troll and looked at its toe while Harry distracted it. The troll fell over, and Wednesday brushed her hands off on her dress. "I told you that pressure points were good things."

Harry muttered a few choice oaths, but smiled tightly at his sister, then slunk through the next door. Of course pressure points were good things to her… she practiced on Pugsley all the time, meaning Harry almost never got time to play with him by himself. He'd only pushed his brother off of the tower twice that Christmas!

Harry blinked when he actually entered the next room. Nope, still there. "Hey Wends, you want to play chess?"

Wednesday came in to the room, now distracted from her examination of her victim. There was what looked like a bit of troll liver on her sleeve. Noticing his gaze, his twin brushed it off. "I hate chess. You're good at strategy, though, what do you suggest?"

"Umm… appeal to the court-like nature of the chess pieces?"

Wednesday looked at the pieces for a moment, and then nodded. "Hey! You over there! Yeah, Queenie!"

The White Queen looked distinctly displeased at being called Queenie, but they were allowed to pass. Before his sister could get them knocked out for a few hours - that was always so irritating, and lost so much time for pranking… - he said in a formal voice, "If I may Milady, my sister twin and myself are testing these defences. We hold no doubts that one so strong as thyself could defend against an intruder, but we must test the other courses, if we may pass one as lovely as ye?"

Harry didn't know that marble could blush. Though, he didn't know that it could glare, either. They passed between the White King and Queen to the next door. Harry rubbed his sore head after passing the King.

"Stupid jacka-"

"Harry!"

"What, he is a j-"

"Oh, not that, you idiot!" Wednesday snapped, slapping his arm.

"Why does everyone want to beat on me today?"

"Because you're there, now _look. _Potions! This is Cousin Sev's challenge. Though the fire does seem a bit overly dramatic…"

"Then it's definitely him. What do we do?"

"Throw you through the fire and see if you burn?"

Harry rolled his eyes at her. "I would rather not. Just throw the potions on it. Liquid puts out fire. Usually."

Wednesday nodded in agreement. "Usually. Here, help me."

The potions didn't put out the fire.

Instead, they froze it. Wednesday poked the black flames, and her hand went straight through it. She grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him through. It was actually quite fun to walk through it, almost like playing hide-and-seek in the woods at home.

The room they came into had only a mirror in it. "A _mirror? Idios mio!_"

Harry put a hand on his raging sister's shoulder. "_Chut, ma sœur. Wizards sont des idiots, je le sais._"

Wednesday's lips quirked a bit and she sat on the floor. "Well," she said. "We're here, and for Hell's sake, we're going to make use of it!"

They played various board games, (Harry wasn't sure he wanted to know where she kept them, he knew they weren't conjured…) and tag, and tried to break the mirror with rocks and pebbles. They were just starting to get sleepy enough to consider leaving when the door slammed open.

"Hello, Professor Quirrell," they chorused.

"Did McGonagall send you to make us get out?" Wednesday asked.

Quirrell glared, and waved his wand at Wednesday. She was bound with ropes. Covered in thorns? Wednesday's eyes watered. Quirrell ignored Harry, instead making his way to the mirror. Harry smirked. No-one hurt Wednesday. He waved his wand, glad that Morticia had insisted that he and Wednesday get permits for this particular curse, "_Crucio._"

Quirrell fell to the ground, screaming. "MASTER! MASTER, STOP HIM!"

Harry lifted the curse, "_Immobulous._" He walked over to the professor and said in a kindly, childish voice, "Now, Professor, you know that it's mean to hurt little girls. Didn't your mother teach you that? Mine never taught me not to hurt jerks, though…" He stomped on the professor's nose. "DON'T HURT MY SISTER!"

Quirrell whimpered, but another voice spoke. "Harry…. Harry, Harry, Harry… isn't this childish? It's just a little girl… there's no need to harm the professor… come now, leave her."

Harry tensed at the voice. He knew it from his nightmares. "Riddle."

"_I AM LORD VOLDEMORT!_" the voice spat.

Harry shook his head and laughed, and this seemed to incense the former Dark Lord. "I'll never join you, you idiot."

The voice snarled out, "Because I killed your parents? Oh, Harry, it was war… don't let the past control you… join me…"

Harry stomped on Quirrell's nose again. The man's mouth began to bleed, and the nose took on a squashy look. He wouldn't join the jerk. He could care less about the Potters, but he had hurt Wednesday, and that was unforgivable. He told the man as much, and then kicked his temple. Quirrell fell limp.

"Is he dead?"

Harry ran over to Wednesday, and started to untie her. His lips twitched, remembering a very similar conversation when they were small… er. "Does it matter?"

Wednesday shook her head. "Nope. Now get me out of this thing! It itches!"

"Doesn't it hurt?"

Wednesday shook her head. "I'm ignoring it in favour of imagining cutting Squirrelly to ribbons."

He pulled at the last thorny rope and wiped off his bloody hands, they stung a little. They moved over to the purple turban wearing professor. "Can I help?"

"No. But you can decide what to do with the body."

"That's fair."

Wednesday pulled a knife out of her boot and stabbed Quirrell right by the heart. She pulled it out and stabbed again. And again. And again. Harry grinned, realising what she was doing. She pulled out the heart and shoved it in his mouth. "Okay, brother, Voldemort should stop possessing him… now."

As if on cue, a dark grey spirit, not dissimilar to Morticia's smoke, floated out of the body. It had red smoke eyes, and a snakey face was easily seen. It shouted something at them and flew at Wednesday. Harry tried to grab the spirit, but his hand went through. Voldemort screamed again and the dark smoke lightened where Harry had touched it. Voldemort kept on screaming and flew at Harry. Harry wasn't sure what had happened, but it hurt, worse than anything, and not a good pain. He didn't see anything; all he knew was that it hurt.

Something - Voldemort? - tried to order him, but he pushed him away. He saw Wednesday shaking him, and then darkness enveloped him.

**AN/AR: Okay, How bad is it? I'm not very sure of it, and if you all absolutely loathe it, I'll try and re-write it, and post that as an alternate chapter. I kind of like it, but I'm not sure how well I did…**

**Mercy.**


	31. Chapter 31 Last Chapter of Year One

**PRE-AN/AR1: Oh, last chapter, I meant THIRTIETH, not THIRTEENTH.**

**Royslady: YOU ARE THE MOST AWESOME AND CRUEL PERSON IN EXISTANCE! Now your plot bunnies invade my head... *fake pout.***

Severus Snape was wondering why this had to happen to him. He looked at Grandmama and said haltingly, "I… will stop tormenting Wednesday and P- Harry. I know perfectly well that Harry is not his father and will act as such. I will try and get to know my Family."

Grandmama patted the side of his face. "Very good, darling. Too de loo!"

As she left, Snape was left to wonder just how he would get down from the ceiling.

.

When Harry woke up, he wasn't quite sure just where he was. But he did know that it was disgustingly bright. "Mnnhhmnah," he groaned groggily. Next thing he knew, someone had slapped him.

"HARCOURT ADDAMS! YOU COMPLRETE AND UTTER NINNY!" Wednesday? She was… crying on him? He wrapped his arms around her, and patted her back awkwardly. "Don't get hurt ever again," Wednesday said, her words muffled by Harry.

"Shh… s'okay, Wends, I won't leave…" Then a thought came to him. "Uh, what exactly happened?"

Wednesday looked up, the whites of her eyes red, and her face matching it. "YOU IDIOT!" she screeched.

Before she could continue, though, a baritone voice cut in, "Don't yell at him again, my ears are ringing as it is."

Cousin Severus?

The man must have seen Harry's befuddled look, because he bit out, "Yes, Harcourt, the greasy git of the Hogwarts dungeons came to make sure that his trouble making cousin would live. Grandmama is… persuasive, to say the least."

Harry grinned. "She stuck you to the ceiling, didn't she?"

Severus glared. "Obviously."

Harry grinned even more. "That means I win the bet!" Wednesday smacked his arm again. "Ow, meanie…"

Wednesday just glared at him. "Cousin Sev is spending the summer at the mansion."

Harry smirked, oh the _pranks…_

"Edgar, Ellen, Vendetta, Emily, and maybe Eddie are all staying, too."

"Eddie, as in Eddie Munster? I thought Grandmama didn't get on well with her brother."

"It's just a possibility, Harry. The rest are definitely coming, though."

"Why?"

"Because, silly, they're all eleven, or turning it, or being forced to go to a magical academy. So, whatever one we go to, they go to." Wednesday gave Severus an appraising sort of look as she said this.

"Pet finally made Edgar and Ellen do that?"

Wednesday smirked in amusement at Harry's query. "They will be next year. They'll be in the year above us, though, but Vendetta, Emily, and Eddie are all going to be Ickle Firsties."

Severus groaned. "The lot of you will make my life a living nightmare."

Wednesday and Harry cocked their heads in unison. "But what's wrong with that?"

.

Harry got out a few days later, and found out that Cousin Severus had informed everyone that the 'plague of Hogwarts' was actually poison ivy, and had snuck out of the hospital wing to go brew up a salve to cure it. That must have been why he was in the dungeons when they froze him… They were the only ones left in the castle, other than Madams' Pomphrey and Pince, Grandmama, and Cousin Severus. Oh, and the House Elves. Of course they should count the House Elves.

As they were leaving for the village, Hogsmeade, Harry asked, remembering, "What about Dumbledore?"

Wednesday smirked, and Cousin Severus uttered dryly, "I believe that he was transferred to St. Mungo's yesterday. It seems that even the strongest Legilimens that they can find isn't able to do anything. Remind me to always side with your grandmother."

"Always side with Grandmama," the twins said simultaneously. Severus rolled his eyes and ushered them to a shop with the sign proclaiming it to be "The Three Broomsticks."

"Come on, Madame Rosmerta will give us the Portkey, let's go, let's go."

Harry got an idea just as the unfortunate looking Madame Rosmerta handed Cousin Severus the Portkey. He grabbed Wednesday's hand and tapped her middle finger and thumb together. _Pink._ He scowled and blinked slowly. _Cousin Severus._

Wednesday smiled. This was already sounding like a good summer break.

.

Wednesday and Harry took off running the moment the Portkey landed. Cousin Severus had turned pink just before they landed, and they wanted a head start. They had reached the graveyard when Wednesday was tackled by cats. "Emily!" The twins yelled.

Emily smiled. "Hi Harry, Hi Wednesday. Vendetta, Edgar, and Ellen are playing with Kitty in the attic. And watch Boris; he's been in a bad mood all week, thanks to Eddie. Why were you running around?"

The twins looked at each other. "We turned Cousin Severus pink."

Emily nodded. "You'll be poisoned by Friday. Hey, Vendetta was adopted by Aunt Morticia last week, she asked me to tell you. She'll be going to the same school as you. Where are you going next year anyway, all of the adults agreed that the rest of us would go wherever you did, even Edgar and Ellen."

"I already told him, Emily. I want to go to Hogwarts, there's no more Dumbledore, and the people there are so easy to prank," Wednesday said, already plotting. You could just see it in her eyes.

Harry spoke up, "I want to, too. It's actually an okay school."

"Alright. I'm going to go find Raven. Do me a favour and keep Vendetta and Ellen from gutting each other."

"Bye, Emily!"

Yes, the summer was definitely shaping up to turn out well.

**PRE AN/AR2:All right, before the final AN/AR: of First Year, these are the Cousins, and their ages, and a bit about them.**

**I'm coming up with a surname for Edgar and Ellen, as I don't think they have one. To differentiate between them and Harry and Wednesday, I can't call both pairs the Addams Twins. So, Edgar and Ellen's surname is Alp, it's a nightmare creature, and is a Turkish name meaning brave/fearless. The Wiki description for the Alp twins is thus: **Both of the twins wear striped footie pajamas and prank each other all day long—when they're not pranking the goody-goody townspeople of Nod's Limbs. They are clever, fearless, mischievous and creative. So creative, in fact, that their pranks often backfire hilariously.** The Alp Twin's relationship to the Addamses' is that they are… I think the most realistic scenario I have plotted out on my laptop is they're from a previous relationship of Ophelia's, so I'm combining that with Pet being their legal guardian. Hey, they're Addamses now, nothing has to be too realistic. *shudders at the thought.***

**Ellen: Age thirteen, a year older than the Addams twins. Older than Edgar by 13 seconds. Halloween-online. Com quote: **Ellen is essentially a mad scientist, particularly when it comes to flora and fauna, and is very affectionate toward her unusual plants. She and Edgar plan and execute their many schemes together. Ellen is very intelligent and can solve problems quickly when the need arises. While more level-headed than her brother, she can also lose her temper very quickly. Cannon age twelve.

**Edgar: Age thirteen, a year older than the Addams Twins. Younger than Ellen by 13 seconds. Halloween-online. Com quote: **Edgar is a skilled inventor, even if his inventions often go awry. He is also an accomplished escape artist, who idolizes Harry Houdini. Wherever he goes, so does his satchel of full of diabolical gadgets. In most situations he starts out calm and confident, but when things start to go wrong he has a tendency to panic. Edgar can be quite absent minded about some details, which often leads to disaster. Cannon age twelve.

**Emily: Twelve years old, to quote EmilyStrange. com: "**Emily is: **An Artist, A Dreamer, An Inventor, A Scientist, A Skater, A Rocker and An Individual!**

Emily's not your average thirteen year-old-girl. Pink is her worst nightmare...she wears the same black dress every day. She loves math and science. Her best friends are her four BLACK CATS! She's into old rock & punk, but also digs newer bands like My Chemical Romance (BTW, Gerard Way is featured in her Dark Horse comic book, "Revenge at Last!") Emily is so anticool she's cool... a subculture of one, and a follower of no one but herself.**" Cannon age thirteen. Her relationship to the Addams is that her maternal grandmother was an Addams, Gomez's father's sister. Yeah, that works. Cannon has no surname that I can remember, so hers in this fic is WALLACE: English surname, derived from an ethnic byname, from Old French **_**waleis**_**, meaning "foreigner, stranger," especially Celtic or Roman. **

**Vendetta: Ten years old, a bit older than Eddie, turning eleven and entering Hogwarts. Relationship to Addamses: Granny Frump's great niece. Granny Frump (I'm going by 1960's Addams TV cannon, with my own insanity added to it,) died, Vendetta came into Morticia's guardianship. Offered place at Durmstrang, as she is natively from Bulgaria, but Morticia wanted her to stay with Family. Cannon age 10. Wiki quote: "****Vendetta** is a fictional main character in the web series and TV series of _Making Fiends_…. Vendetta is Italian for "blood feud", and, true to her name, Vendetta is vindictive and cruel…. She is an evil green girl with the power to make fiends, both through stereotypical mad-scientist means and in the kitchen. She runs the town completely because everyone is afraid of her, except the new girl, Charlotte. Vendetta hates her and wants to destroy her with her fiends. Her age is 10 years…. Vendetta spends her time torturing the other children and using her giant bear-like hamster, Grudge, to get what she wants. She constantly tries to "destroy" Charlotte, but her schemes are always foiled by Charlotte's kind obliviousness. She only eats clams, beef jerky, grape punch, and onions. She hates several things that are mentioned throughout the show. More often than not, she would use the word "stupid" to describe something she detests.**"**

**Eddie: Ten years old, a few months younger than Vendetta, baby cousin. Cannon age 9 or 10 years old. No decent quotes online, so **_**poow wittwle owd me has to doo it mysewf**_**. Wah, wah, wah, waaah. Pout. : Eddie is a somewhat normal-ish kid, he has a severe widow's peak, blue tinged skin, fangs, and likes playing with the neighbour kids. One of my favourite quotes from The Munsters is:**

**Eddie: **I have to go play with one of the neighbour kids.

_Grandpa: Which one? _

Eddie: I don't know, I haven't caught him yet!

**It always, never fails, to crack me up. His relation to the Addamses' is that Grandpa Munster and Grandmama Addams are siblings. Or something like that. Eddie is pretty good-natured, and has a good sense of humour, I think. Good Lord, it'll be hard to write him… The Addams and the Munsters each have an odd clock, the Munsters' has a raven that makes snide remarks and says 'Nevermore' and announces chow time, and the Addamses' have a lion clock that roars at them. Grandmama and Grandpa each got them when they were kids, as a matching set thing. Yes, weak way to make the connection, but, meh!**

**AN/AR: This is the last chapter! I'm going through the Addams family, Munsters, Making Fiends, and Edgar and Ellen TV shows, and re-reading the Edgar and Ellen and Emily the Strange books. It should take me a week to two weeks, depends on when I'm satisfied that I can write all of the characters. I really, really want to get their second year posted, the first chapter at least, by the end of the month.**

… **I just realised. I FINISHED MY FIRST FIC EVER! YES!**

**I am very very happy, and there is a very very whiny kitty named Opal in my room. I shall boot her out to celebrate with my kitty, Prince. Let the Cure music play!**

**MY FIRST COMPLETED FIC! EE!**

**Mercy.**

**Thursday, 17 June, 2010, 4:45 AM, **_**Anno Domini.**_

_**EEE!**_


	32. Letter to FFNet

Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site.

Myself, along with many, have been writing and posting on your fine site for years now, some of the better examples of up and coming writers out there are now suddenly finding some of the stories we've come to love at risk of being removed without the chance to even rectify our errors.

For some, that means the permanent loss of a story. While I don't have anything that I believe violates your terms of use, there are those out there that are never able to recover a story in its original form, this is something I find to be almost worthy of a legal action, as while we cannot claim ownership of a character, the stories are OURS and simply destroying them is something that is inexcusable.

It's quite easy to simply add an MA rating, additional filters or even a simple requirement for a free membership to read the stories presented here, and would cut down on hateful anonymous reviews and posts at the same time, so I have to question as to why such a thing, in all this time, simply wasn't added.

If you're worried about falsification of a registration then have an appropriate disclaimer and then there can be no dispute, you took your steps and the PARENTS didn't monitor their children, if that is even your concern. If it is more of a personal view or desire then please at least let people know and give them a chance to remove a story that you and yours find offensive, most people on the site are actually rather cordial when it comes to such requests.

While I cannot say for sure if this letter will even reach those that may be willing to listen, of if it's more akin to a wide spectrum purge in preparation for something bigger, please understand that you are going to be looseing a LARGE number of your writers, and thus your income from a lack of readers if there is not some level of action taken to help with this situation.

For those that may agree with this, please feel free to sign on and send this to the support server, maybe we can get some movement on this.

Psudocode_Samurai

Rocketman1728

dracohalo117

VFSNAKE

Agato the Venom Host

Jay Frost

SamCrow

Blood Brandy

Dusk666

Hisea Ori

The Dark Graven

BlackRevenant

Lord Orion Salazar Black

Sakusha Saelbu

Horocrux

socras01

Kumo no Makoto

Biskoff

Korraganitar the NightShadow

NightInk

Lazruth

ragnrock kyuubi

SpiritWriterXXX

Ace6151

FleeingReality

Harufu

Exiled crow

Slifer1988

Dee Laynter

Angeldoctor

Final Black Getsuga

ZamielRaizunto

Fenris187

blood enraged

arashiXnoXkami

Masane Amaha's King

Blueexorist

Nero Angelo Sparda

Sharkteeth

DAPC

Kyuubi16

bunji the wolf

EternalKnight219

Shi Kami The Murderous Prodigy

DeathNoteMaker

Nostalgic Remedy

Paco the Taco Maker

Slayer of Destiny

MisaPummelman

Houseofnightfan1

Serenity of the Lake

Tarnished Silver Things

If you could do what some other authors have done and post this petition as a temporary new chapter on some of your stories to help spreed the word? It would help a lot it's how I found out about this.

**FFNet's already removed one of my stories. I don't know why, and I think it's wrong. Passing it on. - M.**

**EDIT: FFNet, what the heck? I've been using this sight since 2008. Now I'm finding out that you're even deleting _accounts_? Without reading the stories flagged? Yeah, you're cracking down - good idea, you don'twant porn or something as a story cover. But - BUT - how about you READ the stories flagged? Or get some volunteers or hire a few people to go over it? People work hard on these stories. If they violate terms, fine, you're the mods. But give people a _chance_. Some warning helps. Second chances work even better.**

**I miss Livejournal.**


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